Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[Misanthrope]

I would, I could never trust them again.

Seconded. It shows a complete and utter lack of respect for your partner. If you're unhappy, talk about it. If you want out, be man (or woman) enough to seek that. Don't lose yourself in an affair that cheapens you, the memories you and the person you're cheating on have formed, and the foundations upon which you're building whatever it is you're building with the other person.

Anybody who cheated on me would be dead to me, as would be the person they cheated on me with. And there's a more than good chance I'd beat the ever-loving shit out of the guy, just in case being dead to me didn't really matter to him.

The girl just gets off with being dead to me. And a whore.

 

[Mong]

Cool..

Then he sues you and takes your money and your girl..

Great thinking!!

 

[Bazal]

This isn't 4C....I've been cheated on, wanted to deck the bloke. Fairly orthodox response, emotionally...

 

[Hallatia]

I would, I could never trust them again.

cheating happens for a range of reasons, if people are happy to throw away a relationship because of what in most cases is a mistake made because of issues in the relationship. If the relationship was ever worth something, then it is worth trying to address the issues.

 

[BDR]

IMO infidelity breaks a bond in a relationship that can never be fully healed. I don't think I would ever trust her again, and without the trust the relationship might as well be over.

 

[Dani]

Tbh when I found out my ex cheated on me it hurt far worse than all the other shit he did to me.

 

[Someone]

cheating happens for a range of reasons, if people are happy to throw away a relationship because of what in most cases is a mistake made because of issues in the relationship. If the relationship was ever worth something, then it is worth trying to address the issues.

that works both ways, usually a person cheats because of problems in the relationship. the cheater also has the option to talk to their partner to resolve these issues before they cheat.

and if the relationship is worth anything, they would should talk before it gets to that.

 

[Misanthrope]

cheating happens for a range of reasons, if people are happy to throw away a relationship because of what in most cases is a mistake made because of issues in the relationship. If the relationship was ever worth something, then it is worth trying to address the issues.

So, the person who is cheated on should forgive and forget to fix the relationship? But the person who cheated makes zero effort to resolve things and gets their end out? Makes sense.

Then he sues you and takes your money and your girl..

Only if he's gutless. You take the beating that's coming to you. I was prepared to do as much when I was with a girl in a relationship.

 

[bellyache]

I'm still a virgin.. HELP!

 

[Knightmare]

Tbh when I found out my ex cheated on me it hurt far worse than all the other shit he did to me.

I agree it was suss how quickly he moved on, but was it ever confirmed that he did cheat on you?

Kudos Bazal for being candid about your own situation too...

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

cheating happens for a range of reasons, if people are happy to throw away a relationship because of what in most cases is a mistake made because of issues in the relationship. If the relationship was ever worth something, then it is worth trying to address the issues.

The relationship was obviously worth nothing by the person doing the cheating.

 

[Hallatia]

I think it depends. A once off drunken mistake is forgivable...more than that is not. My marriage is f**ked at the moment and I wouldn't even consider cheating, it's just not right. But I could understand someone in my position, for example, getting too liquored up and making a mistake...

someone in your position could also think that they were on a break, or could find themselves in a weak and vulnerable position where positive attention impacts them greatly and causes them to lose focus. Someone in your position might also crave that sort of attention and find themselves doing something they never thought they could have

men like you described who treat women like rubbish and beat them dont love women, how could he have loved her.

what doesn't make sense to me is how she could have stayed with him, not how he could have loved her, people who love each other hurt each other all the time. Love doesn't stop people from their capacities to do that. Some people just aren't better than not doing that. I blame his upbringing

Seconded. It shows a complete and utter lack of respect for your partner. If you're unhappy, talk about it. If you want out, be man (or woman) enough to seek that. Don't lose yourself in an affair that cheapens you, the memories you and the person you're cheating on have formed, and the foundations upon which you're building whatever it is you're building with the other person.

Anybody who cheated on me would be dead to me, as would be the person they cheated on me with. And there's a more than good chance I'd beat the ever-loving shit out of the guy, just in case being dead to me didn't really matter to him.

The girl just gets off with being dead to me. And a whore.

I don't think people cheat because they disrespect their partner. Sometimes people struggle with communication and then when they find someone they can communicate with it affects them in strange ways.

This isn't 4C....I've been cheated on, wanted to deck the bloke. Fairly orthodox response, emotionally...

The bloke didn't cheat on you though, the bloke mightn't have even known the girl he was doing whatever with was taken. Wanting to deck him is misplacing your anger, unless you knew him, in which case, decking him is the right thing to do. Your partner wronged you and cheating isn't something they do to you. Unless their intention in cheating was to hurt you. They cheat because something is going on with them

 

[Misanthrope]

I don't think people cheat because they disrespect their partner. Sometimes people struggle with communication and then when they find someone they can communicate with it affects them in strange ways.

So, because the cheater can't communicate, it should be the cheated on who has to bridge the gap and fix things? Seems like if the relationship is that f**ked that you feel the need to stick your dick into somebody else (or have one stuck into you) - you should probably just nut up and break it off. Look for greener pastures on your own time, so to speak.

The bloke didn't cheat on you though, the bloke mightn't have even known the girl he was doing whatever with was taken. Wanting to deck him is misplacing your anger, unless you knew him, in which case, decking him is the right thing to do. Your partner wronged you and cheating isn't something they do to you. Unless their intention in cheating was to hurt you. They cheat because something is going on with them

If the guy honestly had no idea, obviously I wouldn't deck him. He's been guilty of being suckered just as much as I have.

 

[Jobdog]

Where's Dr Phil when you need him?

 

[bellyache]

So, because the cheater can't communicate, it should be the cheated on who has to bridge the gap and fix things? Seems like if the relationship is that f**ked that you feel the need to stick your dick into somebody else (or have one stuck into you) - you should probably just nut up and break it off. Look for greener pastures on your own time, so to speak.



If the guy honestly had no idea, obviously I wouldn't deck him. He's been guilty of being suckered just as much as I have.

I almost choked on my beer can't stop laughing.. Your theories reign true.

 

[Misanthrope]

Where's Dr Phil when you need him?

With your missus. Man up and lay him out.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

:lol:

 

[Hallatia]

Tbh when I found out my ex cheated on me it hurt far worse than all the other shit he did to me.

this doesn't make sense to me. I would much rather be cheated on than abused. My partner has a far greater duty to ensure that I am safe in in his company than to be faithful to me

that works both ways, usually a person cheats because of problems in the relationship. the cheater also has the option to talk to their partner to resolve these issues before they cheat.

and if the relationship is worth anything, they would should talk before it gets to that.

I agree, but sometimes things happen, people are infinitely fallible and make mistakes. Others need to be understanding of that.

So, the person who is cheated on should forgive and forget to fix the relationship? But the person who cheated makes zero effort to resolve things and gets their end out? Makes sense.

the person who cheated needs to be the person making the efforts and prove that they deserve forgiveness, but the person who was cheated on does need to be prepared to hear it if they

I'm still a virgin.. HELP!

fix your personality

The relationship was obviously worth nothing by the person doing the cheating.

people don't cheat because of the value they place on their relationship with the person they are cheating on

So, because the cheater can't communicate, it should be the cheated on who has to bridge the gap and fix things? Seems like if the relationship is that f**ked that you feel the need to stick your dick into somebody else (or have one stuck into you) - you should probably just nut up and break it off. Look for greener pastures on your own time, so to speak.

I'm not defending cheating, I'm just saying that it really isn't black and white, and if a relationship is worth something, then it is not fair to insist on seeing it that way.
Sex with your partner or people who aren't your partner is not the defining part of a relationship

 

[Bazal]

someone in your position could also think that they were on a break, or could find themselves in a weak and vulnerable position where positive attention impacts them greatly and causes them to lose focus. Someone in your position might also crave that sort of attention and find themselves doing something they never thought they could have

Absolutely. One of many reasons I don't have as black and white a view as some...

The bloke didn't cheat on you though, the bloke mightn't have even known the girl he was doing whatever with was taken. Wanting to deck him is misplacing your anger, unless you knew him, in which case, decking him is the right thing to do. Your partner wronged you and cheating isn't something they do to you. Unless their intention in cheating was to hurt you. They cheat because something is going on with them

Well, I did know the guy, but I think the general reaction is anger and wanting to pulp the guys face regardless. He's a part of the betrayal, unwitting or not, and emotion and anger and betrayal are not rational places to be...

 

[Misanthrope]

this doesn't make sense to me. I would much rather be cheated on than abused. My partner has a far greater duty to ensure that I am safe in in his company than to be faithful to me

Have you had both done to you? Not having a go at you at all, but abuse is still attention of a sort. As much as you hate it, you're also grateful for it. Your self worth is crushed to a point that you feel like that person is the only person who could possibly 'love' you. Being cheated on is the complete opposite.

I'm not defending cheating, I'm just saying that it really isn't black and white, and if a relationship is worth something, then it is not fair to insist on seeing it that way.
Sex with your partner or people who aren't your partner is not the defining part of a relationship

It's not just about the sex. I'd be more bothered by texts sent, words whispered, and kisses shared. Sex is just sex.