I've mentioned this before, but when I met my now, Fiance she was in an abusive relationship. It took one hell of an effort for her to leverage herself out of it because her ex was a very good manipulator. They were highschool sweethearts and not long after they finished year twelve my Fiance's mother passed away. This led to a schism in her family and her ex played this totally to his advantage. He moved her in with him and led her to believe that she was completely worthless and unlovable and that he was doing her a favour.
All the while, he was tightening the noose of his control by driving a wedge between her and her family / friends. She didn't learn how to drive because when it came time for her to learn, her family weren't around to teach her and her boyfriend at the time had her convinced that she'd never be able to do it. He did this because he didn't want her to be able to go too far away on her own.
She lived by his rules and once he had her all to himself, thats when the physical stuff started.
Luckily, she was working for an employment agency at the time and they found her a job where I also worked at the time. It was a small company and people there treated each other like family. Some of the girls began to notice that this guy was always on the phone sussing my missus out and when she'd refuse to go to lunch with some of the other girls or to go on a company function because she "wasn't allowed", questions started to be asked.
One day, they had an argument over the phone and it resulted in him turning up to work and trying to drag her through the carpark and into his car. At this stage, one of the other guys at work saw this and chased him away. It was at about this point that I got involved because we'd been talking for a little while but I didn't know any of this. I was a little keen on her but had done nothing because I knew she lived with her boyfriend. I started talking to her more and getting to know her a bit better and she found that she liked me and that I was a good person to confide in. It was at this point that she made the best decision of her life. She plucked up the courage and simply moved out on her own. Went to the real estate one day, found a place close to work, signed a 12 month lease and moved in. She had nothing at the time, she'd left it all at her ex's place.
Quite a few people at work (including me) helped her out but most of what she did, she did herself.
Of course, the douche of an ex tried to influence things but he couldn't find her new address and whenever he turned up to our work, he was met by an entourage. He wouldn't even get in the driveway or out of his car.
He still had her mobile and he would ring and plead with her to come back. But she was strong and held fast.
At the time, I was just her friend. I would drop her home on occassion and sometimes we'd go to lunch together or something along those lines.
Eventually, after about 3 months we started dating and her life became totally different again. About 6 months after that, when her lease expired she moved in with me and my housemate. First thing I did was teach her to drive...
Now some 7 years later we are engaged.
I am not an angry or violent person. I have never hit anyone outside of a rugby league field and those that I hit on field were hit within the rules of the game. I have never had hatred or loathing for any person. I take people as I see them and usually give them the benefit of the doubt, but I now have an exception in my life. It took me a few years of living with my fiance before she finally came clean about the extent of the abuse that she had copped at the hands of her ex and now he is well and truly on my hit list. If I ever bump into him, anywhere, he'd better hope that there are other people around to peel me off him. I won't be happy about it. It probably won't give me any satisfaction to do this and its not something that I aspire to doing, but deep down I just think that flogging this mongrel to within an inch of his life would set something right in the world.
My philosophy in life has always been that violence is not the answer, but as with every rule, there is generally an exception and as someone above mentioned, in the case of domestic abuse, violence against the perpetrator is quite possibly the only way they will learn.
Domestic abusers should be scorned by the general public. Once identified they should be labelled in some indelible way so that everywhere they go, everyone will know that they are the lowest scum on earth. To take someone as a partner, betray their trust and beat them down everyday in every possible way for some kind of self gratification, this is something lower than low and it should not go unpunished.
My fiance is a wonderful, vibrant, happy go lucky Woman. She is the type of person who will go to a hospital and talk to elderly people who have had no visitors, just because she knows they would love the company. She rescues sick animals off the street and genuinely cares for the people and things around her. She is truly the salt of the earth. To think that some monster could beat her up. Deride her confidence and try to bend her to his will... Its monstrous. To think that this goes on 100's of 1000's of times a day in various locations around Australia, it makes me very sad. No one deserves to have this sort of thing happen to them. No one at all.
