Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[Joker's Wild]

Wanting to beat the hell out of these sorts of guys, especially if its someone close to you they have abused, is totally understandable and a natural enough reaction.

However the reality of said actions is much less noble and far more terrifying than what you might expect. I have gone into details before of a situation I and a couple of my mates let ourselves get into back in my younger days and I can tell you that it made me look at myself in a new way, and I can tell you it was not very positive. This doesnt even touch on the possible legal ramifications that those actions can have either, some of which can follow you for the rest of your life.

Fortunately for me the person involved was either too scared or realised that he had it coming and didnt go to the police. The f**ker deserved everything we did to him for his actions and I have no pity for the bloke but it did cost me a fair amount of my own self respect. I felt like an animal and it scared the crap out of me just how out of control I was and I was lucky that one of the other guys involved was respected enough by us all and had the clarity to stop it before it went any further.

I never want to see that side of myself again. Ever

 

[Misanthrope]

I once killed a man with a trident.

 

[Dani]

Edit - wrong thread

 

[Misanthrope]

Wrong thread, Dani?

 

[Springs]

Unfortunately, people will believe what they think is the truth rather than the actual truth. It's just easier to compute for them. Nobody will consciously believe that their little Johnny could be capable of being such a criminal.

And one of the most frustrating things is that violence doesn't solve anything. My best mate's sister was being bashed by her boyfriend of six years - SIX YEARS - and he decided to confront the bastard about it and tell him to stop (she was, naturally, terrified of him and of leaving him). The prick spat at my mate and decided to bring a few mates to "teach him a lesson" one day after footy training - luckily we played on the same team and a few of our teammates gave us a hand and it resolved with nothing more than a few mis-timed punches being thrown. But this cycle occurred several times after that, until he was seen hitting his girlfriend at a footy game - where the ref happened to be a police officer who reffed on weekends for fun and cash. Scumbag got charged and thrown in prison.

What a fantastic ref.

I don't think I've ever said that before.

And I think your mate did exactly the right thing by confronting him. The violence seemed to stem from that other guy being a complete dick. That said, I would've understood him going over there and punching his face.

My girlfriend was not physically abused, but she was mentally and psychologically tortured by her ex-fiance. He made her believe she was worthless and made her believe she was scum. I know it's not anywhere in the same league as physically bashing a woman, but to hear this makes me so mad that I swore to her that if I ever see the merkin in real life, I will be sent to prison. To take a vibrant, happy, confident, sweet woman and crush her to the point that she thinks she is worth nothing (the merkin valued his car and dog higher than her, and made it known to her ffs)...It infuriates me. And it makes me want to "set it right" via the only means I know how. It's irrational, but it's what emotions do.

Slightly off topic but I do not understand at all how people like your girlfriend's ex lives. Do they live for their dog and car? What point do they have in their life that makes them act like that?

My fiance is a wonderful, vibrant, happy go lucky Woman. She is the type of person who will go to a hospital and talk to elderly people who have had no visitors, just because she knows they would love the company. She rescues sick animals off the street and genuinely cares for the people and things around her. She is truly the salt of the earth. To think that some monster could beat her up. Deride her confidence and try to bend her to his will... Its monstrous. To think that this goes on 100's of 1000's of times a day in various locations around Australia, it makes me very sad. No one deserves to have this sort of thing happen to them. No one at all.

Your fiance sounds like a really wonderful person. One of the few. I agree with everything you said about domestic abusers.

 

[Eelementary]

What a fantastic ref.

I don't think I've ever said that before.

And I think your mate did exactly the right thing by confronting him. The violence seemed to stem from that other guy being a complete dick. That said, I would've understood him going over there and punching his face.



Slightly off topic but I do not understand at all how people like your girlfriend's ex lives. Do they live for their dog and car? What point do they have in their life that makes them act like that?



Your fiance sounds like a really wonderful person. One of the few. I agree with everything you said about domestic abusers.

He's my best mate, but I respect him all the more because his reaction was to confront him with words first, and then use violence as a last resort. I really admire him for that.

As for my girl's ex, I don't get it. All he cared about was his Calais and dog. Bloody price, if you ask me.

 

[kia ora storm]

It's so hard to explain what goes through your head when put in the situation.

I have had friends tell me they want nothing to do with me any more because i let him hurt me for so long.

Live and learn.

Those ex-friends are idiots Dani...just try and change little aspects of your life gradually and you will come out the other side much better for it.

 

[Gas Panic!]

I don't have anything meaningful to add, as I guess fortunately I haven't been exposed to too many issues like these in my life so far. I do however want to thank everyone who has been brave enough and honest enough to share their stories on here, good and bad. There are some good people here!

 

[Dani]

Not brave. Just have no one else to talk to.

 

[Dragon2010]

Not brave. Just have no one else to talk to.

 

[kia ora storm]

Not brave. Just have no one else to talk to.

Dani...whilst it might just be a website with no faces to names we have all been through aspects of our lives that can only be shared in the spirit of giving another person some perspective when they are experiencing the same thing.

It is great that you have shared what you have...

I have gone through loss of marriage, loss of job and now loss of house in the last 12 months..I still keep on fighting though.

 

[Dani]

Sorry. Didn't mean to offend.

 

[kia ora storm]

Sorry. Didn't mean to offend.

Hey..sorry was not having a go...completely the other way.

I read my post again and it was a bit direct...no intention. Keep on fighting Dani is what I was trying to say.

Kia Kaha...be strong.

 

[Dani]

No harm done

Every day is a fight at the moment.

 

[Non Terminator]

I hope you two keep on fighting.
Our factory is going through hell, Sydney and Asian companies doing our work for buttloads cheaper. 5% of the place (20-odd people) just got made redundant, I know the struggles a few of them are going through.
Even when things are shit, I can't help feeling lucky still, but you two, and to anyone else feeling similar, I wish you nothing but the best.
Always here to talk and listen, bless the both of you.

 

[kia ora storm]

No harm done

Every day is a fight at the moment.

One day at a time...build layers and you will be invincible soon.

I have a "Kia Kaha" tat...one of my special ones.

 

[Dani]

I'm getting strength and courage tattooed across my feet next Sunday. It takes strength and courage to keep moving my feet forward.

 

[kia ora storm]

I'm getting strength and courage tattooed across my feet next Sunday. It takes strength and courage to keep moving my feet forward.

Nice...where do you get them done ?..I need a new tat artist in Melbourne.

 

[Dragon2010]

I'm getting strength and courage tattooed across my feet next Sunday. It takes strength and courage to keep moving my feet forward.

That's awesome. We all have our own battles, our own journeys. Some have it tougher then others but it defines who we are as a person.

Myself? I have not had it easy; not for many many years. I've suffered setback, after setback. I'm mental, physical and emotional wreck. Everytime I seem to get better I get knocked down again. Alas, I'm still fighting (Somehow). Myself, I don't know how I do. I guess, for my loved ones.

 

[Dani]

A friend of a friend is doing it. In Nunawading. I'll let you know if they're any good. There's one on Swan street up from Richmond station near Curry Muncher/Corner Hotel, they have a good rep too.