Apologies, its a big one, any advice appreciated
So we have been together going on 3 years. We started in school after being best friends for 4 years. That whole time she had another boyfriend, I loved her but I kept it to myself to avoid hurting her. It destroyed me but eventually she told me she loved me and I revealed my feelings and she chose me. Since then we have had an ok relationship. Great in places, I love her like nothing else, but we have our problems and she sometimes has a problem letting go of mistakes in my past. Since we moved into our new place (12 months ago) she has made friends with a guy who lives upstairs. when they first were friends he kept asking her out and made it very clear he wanted to be with her. She says she said no. They now spend hours together every night. They constantly text each other, we cant spend time together without her texting him. Every hour I spend at College or Work she is with him. I am uncomfortable with it. I once saw (accident not spying) on her phone that she called him "darling". I told her that I had a problem with it and that I though I was comfortable with them being friends, I said I thought calling him Darling (its what she used to call me when we first got together) was not something I was ok with. I also said that spending hours with him in the middle of the night in his room (she sometimes gets in bed with me, waits for me to sleep and then leaves to see him for hours) was something I was uncomfortable with.
Now she spends hours every night with him. When I go to work I know they are in my room. He wont even look me in the eyes or speak to me when I say hi if we pass in the corridors.
I always trusted her, and now my heart still says that she would never do something, but my head thinks its silly to be that trusting when we are growing distant.
To make things worse this last month she has been reluctant to have any form of intimacy. I try to kiss her good bye or goodnight and she dodges it so its a kiss on the side of the lips/cheek.
TL;DR Girlfriend of 3 years is spending alot of time with a guy at night after I told her I was uncomfortable with it, Now she is growing distant.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate any advice.
UPDATE: Pretty overwhelming response here that I should walk. Some of those comments were about telling me that she is definately physically cheating. This is something I have considered, but I dont really think is likely.
Those people that have talked about how the emotional cheating is disrespectful to our relationship. Pretty much yep. That's how I feel.
I suppose what is getting me labelled naive is that I refuse to jump to the conclusion about their physical relationship. If it was with a girl (I know she is straight) or even with a guy who hadnt made clear that he was interested in her, I wouldnt have a problem with it. the reason I haven't done anything about it is I don't want to wreck what could otherwise be a fantastic relationship by being irrationally jealous
Also this is not a troll, really happening to me.
Thengine, For your benefit: When we have discussed it she said that her relationship with him was only a friendship and the term of endearment I saw was a throwaway that meant nothing to her (I am sceptical about this). Also for those thinking about our living arrangements, We split rent and I pay everything else. Literally food, phones, electricity, internet, petrol, clothes, everything.
update 2 (after 24 hours) Ok So I have a pretty clear consensus on what I should do and what everyone thinks. There was alot more agression than I expected, but also some compassion, I certainly didn't expect to be told my situation is personally offensive or affronting to someone, but then again this is the Internet. I know consensus is that I am some configuration of a spineless/pathetic/downtrodden/stupid/wimpy Beta male in denial. I cannot for the life of me think why someone would think this is a troll thread, who would come up with such a shite situation?
In any case I thank people for their opinions, alot of this has given me plenty of perspective. I am still not convinced there is anything physical going on (which I know some people think is denial). But I have felt for a while that what is happening is tantamount to emotional cheating or a betrayal. It was really good to get some validation on that here.
As much as everyone here knows what they would do this is a complex situation for me, I am looking at giving up the woman I love. I know that some part of me thinks that is the best thing to do, and I may do yet. For everyone who suggested I just move out, I am going to start looking to see if I can find somewhere to bail to if/when I decide to walk.
Also congrats to anyone who guessed I have self esteem issues. Spot on.
