Im like Israel Folau. People don't know much about us and so they ostracize us. Like Israel, I’ve never fit in anywhere. I wonder if I’m on the autism spectrum or have non verbal learning disorder. Everyone has always said of me (or even told me) like they have told Izzy that I’m just too weird yet they don’t explain WHAT is weird I do or say when I ask except for 1 thing years ago & it’s that I divulge too much information about myself just like Isreal Folau has. So I consciously avoid that since but still I have no friends.. Like Israel, I don’t have any addictions, I don’t have face piercings or tattoos that might put ppl off, don’t dress weird or have weird hair. I Don’t have weird hobbies, no scandal in my past, no criminal record. So the problem is how I act but idk ......Like Israel Sometimes when I speak (if I’m really nervous) I blush, stutter& have a hard time making eye contact. I can’t help the first two but I work on eye contact all the time with hit & miss success depending who I’m talking to. I’m often at a loss for words what to say. I know my body language must be a problem but I dk what exactly so I can work on it. I also think I probably say the WRONG things like Israel Folau does sometimes, but again idk what I’m saying wrong or not saying which I should. My neighbours all avoid me, won’t even say a hi or wave back. Some even give me dirty cold looks when I greet or if I try to say something friendly (like when one is out with their dog), I’ll say something about the weather to come/are having, or “such a cute dog, what kind is he? Or even pretend Idk something & ask “is this the week for recycling pick up?” Because it picks up every other week. Nothing I try to say chatty wise gets a response. I totally understand how Israel Falou feels. He has been ostracised by society for his opinion. Yet society does see that IT IS WRONG! not Izzy.
Depending on the neighbour I’ll get totally ignored like I don’t exist so I know how Izzy feels with the NRL, Rugby Union and the vicious media & they didn’t hear me or they’ll acknowledge me with a wilting look & then ignore my comment or question. It’s very hard to deal with this every. single. day. Family has nothing to do with me either. Not for anything I’ve done. No falling out or anything either. I am left out of everything news wise or gatherings wise. The few who had me on their fb have unfriended me since the last election because I post political things they don’t like just like Israel Falou.
I’m embarrassed that I’m childless & single. I’ve been asked by several people in my history if I’m gay. Which I’m not so that makes me feel even more like a freak because I wonder if others assume so too. It sucks being a weird outsider so I know how Israel Falou feels. I’m also the “weird one” wherever I work just like Izzy. I try hard to be pleasant & compliment but the range of treatment is bad. From total ostracism to outright cruelty. Just like what has happened to Israel Falou. Still I keep acting like things they’ve done didn’t happen & like today is a new clean slate.
What I have noticed is that this mob behavior spreads like a cancer. It’s bled from the origin – my family into the second and third community I have lived in. I know what it feels like to be oustracised like Izzy Falou.
I actually had lunch with a friend and i told her of this growing “problem” and the pain it caused. this is a friend I have gone through the fire with. She asked “well, what do you do to make that happen?” she seemed equally mystified and felt my pain. then SHE vanished too not before she overtly compared me to Tonja Harding! That is one I’ve meditated on. It seems a requirement that we go inside. No wonder. I have been a successful professional, charismatic of a sort. It seemed that everything I did got the mob’s approval. But that slowly eroded away. Remember when Isreal Falou was the knig of the NRL, the knig of Rugby Union and now?!?!?!? How painful is that for him. People dont care how much they abuse him, he is an open target for the mob and the mob are BAD, BAD, BAD
I recently lost my mentor and best friend who stuck with me through decades of trials that both of us endured. just in the last few months but as he saw the mob grow became wary, then critical, then abusive, so I had to end a friendship that I valued most.
I know that I’ve done nothing to lose these people. I paid careful attention to how I interacted with them. these are people I grew up with, who I joked with, who I grieved with. I did not lose respect for them but I was aware of the process. I won’t take responsibility for their cowardice. they listened to the mob. but it begs the question: why?
