Funniest Simpsons lines ever

[Rhino_NQ]

moleman

"you call that a knife? oo down i go"

 

[IanG]

Frank Grimes: (points at Homer) That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!

Carl: It's best not to think about it.

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Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that ?

Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford?..And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins?..Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space.

Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?

Homer: Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?..

Then in a later episode his son shows up.

HOMER: How could you be his son? he never married.
GRIMES JR: He happend to like hookers okay!

 

[Ozzy]

Moe: "Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?"
Barney: "You sure do!"
Moe: "Oh...it's you, isn't it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!"

 

[Apey]

Rainier: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a
half. It cost $80 million.

Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?

Rainier: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

Hey McBain, your shoe's untied.
...
Upon closer inspection, these appear to be loafers.

"Maria, my mighty heart is breaking. I'll be in the humvee"

 

[urban eel]

 

[Hallatia]

Wow. My dad an astronaut. I feel so full of ... what's the opposite of shame?
Pride?
No, not that far from shame.
Less shame?
Yeah.

 

[Red Bear]

The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marraige

 

[Rhino_NQ]

Home "I've got a friend name joey joe joe jnr shabadoo?"

Moe "That's the worst name i've ever heard"

"Man runs out of bar crying"

Barney "Hey joey joe joe"

 

[Mr Angry]

Just in case it has not been mentioned.

"Marge, beer me"

 

[Apey]

The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marraige

Honey, the door blew shut.

followed by a personal favourite:

Oh, fine. If that's what you want, you've got it. This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road! Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I end up in this crazy old world.

 

[Rhino_NQ]

"You expect that horse to run a mile?"

"he ran all the way here"

 

[Jono078]

This is the one that gets me every time!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGmiSCX7jaI

 

[Rhino_NQ]

grumpy old guy

"you know the window was open, chief breaks everything"

 

[dogslife]

McBain

"Maria, my mighty heart is breaking, I'll be in the humvee"

 

[Rhino_NQ]

Bombardment!!

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars, I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how?
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Homer: Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

Marge: Homer, watch your mouth!

Homer: Oh, I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.

 

[HowHigh]

Had to copy paste, too long to type lol

FBI Man #1: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson,at Terror Lake.Let's just practice a bit, hmmmm? So when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi.
Homer: Check!
FBI Man #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly]
FBI Man #1: [pause]
FBI Man #1: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha!
FBI Man #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[again Homer stares blankly]
FBI Man #1: [FBI men stare at each other]
[hours pass by]
FBI Man #1: [frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
[stepping hard on Homer's foot]
FBI Man #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly again for a few seconds]
Homer: [whispering to the FBI man next to him] I think he's talking to you.
[FBI man gives up]

 

[Horrie Is God]

Homer: I guess the juice business is more important than the ideals our hippie forefathers refused to go to war and die for..

 

[Red Bear]

Speaking of McBain
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81308507/