Funniest Simpsons lines ever

[Horrie Is God]

Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot"..


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Homer: "When I was 17, I drank a very good beer,
I drank a very good beer I purchased, with a fake ID
My name was Bryan McGee...
I stayed up listening to Queen...
When I was 17...."

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Govt Agent: [about Homer's mail] Most people write to movie stars, this guy writes to movies.
[reads letter]
Govt Agent: Dear Die Hard, you rock. Especially the part where that dude is on the rooftop. P.S. Do you know Mad Max?

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Homer: Are you sure you're a fully accredited and bonded pornographer?

 

[_Johnsy]

Not sure if this verbatim

Homer :I've never been much of a praying man, but if you're up there, help me superman.

 

[Apey]

Watched some classic episodes last night...

Lisa: Mum, can you bring me more O.J. ?
Bart: Can you get me some of those Flintstones chewable morphine?
Homer: Marge, the boy's wasting valuable time.
Homer: Come change the channel and pat my head.
Marge: In a minute.
Homer: But I'll miss Sheriff Lobo.

Bart:What's Gabbo?
Homer: I figure it's some guy's name.
Homer: Some guy named Gabbo.

Mr Burns: Look, Smithers! Garbo is coming!
Smithers: Uh, yes, sir.

Homer: Ah, Rex Morgan, M.D. You have the prescription for the daily blues.

Krusty:
Send in the clowns,
Those daffy laffy clowns,
Send in those soulful and doleful,
Shmaltz-by-the-bowlful clowns.
Send in...the clowns.

Sideshow Mel: They're... al...rea...dy.... heeeeere!

 

[urban eel]

Stupid T.V.
Be more funny!

 

[Horrie Is God]

Grandpa Simpson :To my son Homer... (Homer says Woohoo!) ...and his entire family... (D'oh!) ...I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J.D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going? (in the car) Anyway, about my washtub. I'd just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as... (cut to mall) ...a walking-bird. We'd always have walking-bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball...

 

[AlwaysGreen]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkpyZws4bJ8

 

[MatthewA]

One that gets me every time, and I'm probably quoting it a little wrong, but..

*They're trying to get home to Springfield after loosing all their money in Japan*

Japanese game show host: What would you like your prize to be?
Homer: I haven't spoken it over with my family, but I think we'd all enjoy a free dinner at America Town.
Marge: No! We want plane tickets back home to Springfield.

Always cracks me up.

 

[Apey]

Skinner: Johnny?... Johnny!... JOHNNY!!!

Bart: Cool I broke his brain.

 

[Horrie Is God]

Homer: Operator,give me Thailand..T-I-....and so on..

 

[beefstew]

Ow, Arghh...ah, to hell with it, (eats pie)

After smashing his head into the cupboard when trying to grab the pie, and decides eating pie is more important than pain....always cracks me up, probably because i can relate to it.

 

[Marshall_magic]

Head of the IOC: People! People! Please. You are forgetting what the Olympics are all about. Giving out medals of beautiful gold, so-so silver and shameful bronze.

 

[Horrie Is God]

Marge: Apu told me all eight babies have colic, although he thinks one or two might just be going along with the crowd.
Homer: 8 babies ... I'm sterile, right, baby doll?
Marge: Yes, dear. From the nuclear plant.
Homer: Beautiful..

 

[Apey]

Doesn't even need a quote tbh

 

[Zoidberg]

Love the Grimey ep.

"You?! Went into outer space?"

"sure. You've never been?"

 

[nqcowboy87]

financial panther aye

the running gag with lennys eye

 

[Horrie Is God]

Homer:"I want to set the record straight.I thought the cop was a prostitute"..

 

[HowHigh]

Yes Lisa, Daddys a teacher.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Evil Scientist 1: Why did you think a giant balloon would stop him?

Evil Scientist 2: SHUT UP, that's why!

 

[Apey]

From Homer's Triple Bypass

Billy: Hey, where's he goin'?
Mechanic: Billy, remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
Billy: We're gonna sell him to Mr. Nikapopolus?
Mechanic: You're a dull boy, Billy.

Homer: Well, you kids are old enough to know the truth... and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
Homer: So the tiny Aorta fairies will take Mr. Leg Vein on a long trip... to get married to Princess Left Ventricle.

Dr Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Dr Hibbert: You're going to need open-heart surgery.
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo.
Dr Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?

Ah f**k it there's too many.

 

[Apey]

Homer: It was a lightning storm and I'd locked myself out. So, sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran and took shelter under the largest tree I could find.