Funniest Simpsons lines ever

[Jason Maher]

Homer: Don't discourage the boy. Weasling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasels.

 

[redvscotty]

Moe: "Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'."

 

[MattYg1]

In belated honour to Halloween

Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: [worried] That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
Homer: [stares]
Owner: That's bad.

 

[AlwaysGreen]

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin . . . but what good does that do me?

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

Homer: I am in your power, boss me around.
Hypnotist: When I snap my fingers, you will transform into a famous historian! :snap:
Homer: Look at me, I'm a famous historian. Out of my way!
Hypnotist: Thankyou, now you are Emily Dickinson. :snap:
Homer: Look at me, I'm Angie Dickinson! Out of my way!

 

[Milhouse20XX]

Milhouse:
Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

 

[dogslife]

Homer: Will you excuse us Milton?
Milhouse: It's Milhouse
Homer: Yeah and your father's no-house, now scram!

 

[Ozzy]

Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Marge Simpson: Look. I want a cup.
Sportacus Clerk: Cup. Could you spell that?
Marge Simpson: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... Oh, my God!

 

[Milhouse20XX]

Milhouse:
Oh, my God! I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a baa-baa. They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!

 

[Zoidberg]

Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here. Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, Chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid says.


Chief Wiggum: Book 'em, Lou. One count of being a bear, and one count of being an accessory to being a bear.

 

[AlwaysGreen]

Post 404.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin . . . but what good does that do me?

Post 408.

Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, ?To Kill A Mockingbird,? and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin?but what good does *that* do me?

Marge Simpson: Look. I want a cup.
Sportacus Clerk: Cup. Could you spell that?
Marge Simpson: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... Oh, my God!

Get with it Freedman.

 

[Bulldog Force]

Groundskeeper Willie: You want to pick on immigrants? Then pick on Willie!
Principal Skinner: Willie, please, the children want to pick on someone their own size.

 

[Marshall_magic]

Smithers: you will be divided up into teams of 2. The teams with their maps will...
Homer: I lost my map
Smithers: you have not been given your maps

 

[nqcowboy87]

grandpa simpson: Anyway, long story short... is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling.

 

[Horrie Is God]

Fit Tony: I keep my friends close...
Homer: But your enemies closer??..
Fit Tony: No! Why would I do that? If I kept my enemies close, they would kill me!!..

 

[Horrie Is God]

Moe: Hey, who are you gonna vote for: Me, who pretended to be gay, or a Republican, whose policies are so anti-gay they prove that he's super-gay??..
Gay audience member: Oh, now we don't know what we want!!..

 

[dogslife]

Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshman and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people
Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

 

[Horrie Is God]

Homer [to Marge]: 'Out of all the stupidest things I've ever done, this is the stupidest. And you're doing it!!"..

 

[kia ora storm]

Homer walking down the street...sees a gym and asks "What's a Ghyme ?"...keeps walking.

 

[Horrie Is God]

Rod: We thought you were gonna die.
Tod: And then Uncle Kevin would have to raise us.
Rod: And his funny friend, David.
Ned: Oh I'd put rocks in your pocket and walk you out to sea for before I'd let that happen.
Rod and Tod: Yay!!..