Funniest Simpsons lines ever

[dogslife]

[youtube]ozIp-tvw1Qs[/youtube]

 

[Apey]

Just going to plug one of my favourite Facebook pages ever again right here... http://www.facebook.com/BestSimpsons?ref=ts&fref=ts

aaand copy my 2 favourites from there lately.

"Hall of Famer Whitey Ford now on the field, pleading with the crowd for some kind of sanity."

"First thing tomorrow morning I'm going to punch Lenny in the back of the head"

 

[irish_wolfhounds]

The aprils fools one always cracks me up.

[Homer opening a shaken beer can]
Bart: Happy April F....
[Nuclear explosion of beer]
[Lou]Looks like an explosion down at the ol'Simpsons place, Chief
[Wiggum] Forget it, that's two blocks away
[Lou] Seems to be raining beer from the chimney
[Wiggum] Am proceeding on foot, call in a code 8
[Lou on radio] Pretzels, we need pretzels....

I'd give the link but post count alas...

 

[Twizzle]

cant believe this thread has been going since 2004

think it qualifies for a Classic Thread

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

The aprils fools one always cracks me up.

[Homer opening a shaken beer can]
Bart: Happy April F....
[Nuclear explosion of beer]
[Lou]Looks like an explosion down at the ol'Simpsons place, Chief
[Wiggum] Forget it, that's two blocks away
[Lou] Seems to be raining beer from the chimney
[Wiggum] Am proceeding on foot, call in a code 8
[Lou on radio] Pretzels, we need pretzels....

I'd give the link but post count alas...

Gold.

 

[Ozzy]

Marge Simpson: [Homer's Head is turned into a huge donut, and is eating it] Homer, stop picking at it.
Homer Simpson: But, I'm so sweet and tasty.
[Looks at his watch]
Homer Simpson: Well, time to go to work.
Lisa Simpson: [Getting in Homer's way] No dad. I wouln't go out if I were you.
Chief Wiggum: [With the rest of Springfield's police force waiting outside of the Simpson's home with their coffee mugs] Dont't worry, he's gotta come outta there sometime

I love the Chief Wiggum quote.

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

Don't snap my undies...

 

[dogslife]

She didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police. Now where did I put my badge? Hey that duck's got it!

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay. What's your first name, Mr. Burns?
Homer: ...I don't know.

 

[Joker's Wild]

Marge: "The police already have a suspect, it's Mr. Smithers."

Grampa: "Yeah, Smingers did it. Case closed. Now where's my hat? I'm going to the outhouse."

Lisa: "We don't have an outhouse."

Homer: "My tool shed! Oh Dad!"

*Homer hosing out the shed in next scene*

 

[Danish]

Marge: Do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!
Homer: Now, who's being naïve?

Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! But what else is open at night?
Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer's Brain: Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.

Lisa: Remember, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Homer's Brain: What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.
Homer: Takes one to know one.
Homer's Brain: Swish!

 

[irish_wolfhounds]

Jasper holding a cricket bat::
Talking out of turn, that's a paddlin,
Looking out the window, that's a paddlin,
Staring at my sandals, that's a paddling,
Paddlin the school canoe...oooh you better believe that's a paddlin,

 

[Bulldog Force]

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys! - Willie

Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff. - Moe Szyslak

Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, Like Englishmen and Scots, Welshmen and Scots, Japanese and Scots, Scots and other Scots, Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!

 

[Marshall_magic]

Bart on edge because he knows Sideshow Bob is in town and wants to kill him, trying to go to sleep at night as a knife-man appears to be entering his room.
Homer: BART YOU WANT A BROWNIE!!!!!!!!!!
*Bart screams*
Homer: what? I just wanted to see if you would like a brownie
Bart: I'm a little on edge right now I would appreciate it if you didn't run into my room screaming and waving a butchers knife
Homer: oh, the whole Bob thing, sorry, good night
*Homer leaves and immediately enters again with a chainsaw and mask*
Homer: BART DO YOU LIKE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK!!??????!!!
*Bart screams again*
Homer: oh sorry, what am I thinking?

 

[gUt]

"SHOW-DER?! SHOW-DER?! SAY IT FRENCY! SAY CHOW-DAH!"

"Neveer! Show-Der!"

 

[Eelementary]

Homer: Oh, I see! Then everything's wrapped up in a neat little package, then, isn't it? What? Sorry if I sounded sarcastic!



Homer: But Amber - I can change!
Ned: Amber's my wife!!!

 

[Marshall_magic]

Homer: No bear sightings, bear patrol is doing it's job
Lisa: That's one view
Homer: What?
Lisa: I can claim this rock keeps tigers away
Homer: How does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work. It's just a stupid rock. But I don't see any Tigers around.
Homer: Hmmmm, Lisa, I wish to buy that rock.

 

[Apey]

Inspired by Alba's posts in superthread

Homer Simpson: How much is this free resort weekend?
Glen: It's free.
Homer Simpson: And when is this weekend?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer Simpson:Uh-huh. And how much does it cost?
Glen: Um, it's free.
Homer Simpson: I see. And when is it?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer Simpson: And what are you charging for this free weekend?
Bart Simpson: Come on, Dad. The team's arriving.
Homer Simpson: It's free, right?

 

[Misanthrope]

"Just hook it to my veins" - Barney Gumble

"I said don't pull! Don't pull!" - Moe

"Mmm... sacrilegious" - Homer

"I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive"
"You were drunk!"

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

Aaand how!