Its interesting that a major critique of the finale is that it was bland and largely emotionless.
Comtrast this with what happened in the episode: One of our two main protagonists was killed by the other.
So why the disconnect? Plenty of reasons probably:
1) Daenarys transformation was rushed and the episode was set up as "who is going to do it" rather than wondering about it happening at all.
2) Her death was glossed over pretty quick again due to self imposed time constraints. Daenarys dies, few mins of reactions then a fade to black with a "1 week later". Grey worm would kill Jon on the spot realistically too.
3) General disconnect with show; people dont care as much now due to the decline in quality and it was going to take more than Daenarys dying to salvage people's impressions of season 8.
4) Due to 3) people read spoilers because they didnt care any more. But heres the kicker: spoilers never really ruined things like the red wedding because it was the build up as much as the event itself that was glorious. Here, it was rubbish.
The issues you describe above could probably be mentioned across the entire season.
What made the first few seasons so compelling IMO was the game being played in the background, different sides maneuvering for power.
That element was completely removed from the last season. In some ways it had to be toned back, but not removed. There were no real twists or turns that changed everything or realigned different characters.
The last season was just a progression of point A to point B and it made a lot of it either predictable or anticlimactic.
For example Bronn being tasked to kill Tyrion and Jamie could have been really interesting (whether he tried to or not) but it just fizzled.
The Sansa and Dany build up really fizzled to nothing where it could have put Jon in a far more interesting spot once his bloodline was revealed.
In a similar vein, Cersei removing herself and her army from fighting the white walkers. While it can rightly be argued it was the logical Cersei thing to do, having her close enough to learn about Jon's parentage could have opened more possibilities.
There was nothing happening beneath the surface for the entire season. It wasn't bad, it just didn't live up to the standard set by previous seasons.