Our bad boys have nothing on sport's scariest players
Tony Hardy
February 14, 2007
SURELY, sport and its tales of binge drinking, sexual assault, steroid abuse, jail-house wall defecation, deification of mortals, Asian-influenced tattoos and ridiculously overpriced chips is where Satan feels at home.
Sport isn't nice. Sport is the home of swearing, greed, envy, lust and all the other ones. For elite players, it's the greatest get-out-of-jail-free card there is. And when I talk about elite bad boys, I'm not referring to the AFL's latest hoodlums Lance Whitnall and Heath Scotland. Or Ben Cousins and Michael Gardiner. These boys are in the seconds compared to the truly scary bad men of sport — the National Football League athlete.
Last season, more than 40 NFL players were arrested for offences including spousal abuse, boating under the influence, fleeing and eluding, improper exhibition of a firearm, providing alcohol to under-age females, assault, burglary and trafficking a controlled substance (codeine-laced cough syrup).
The San Diego Chargers' Steve Foley has been arrested five times in his career. Five! In April 2006, the 193-centimetre, 120-kilogram linebacker was in a fight with three police officers. In September, he was shot three times by an off-duty police officer after he was pulled over for swerving while driving. The policeman fired because once out of the car, Foley wouldn't stop walking towards him and he thought Foley's car, now driven by Foley's female friend, was about to run him over. Foley blew .233 but prosecutors also suspect his actions were due to steroid rage.
On February 12, 2006, 136-kilogram Chicago Bears defensive tackle Terry "Tank" Johnson was arrested for aggravated assault and resisting arrest (the charges were later dropped). On December 16, he was charged with possessing a firearm without proper notification. Police raided his house (which he shares with his wife and two children) and allegedly found his bodyguard, marijuana, assault weapons and more than 500 rounds of ammo.
His bodyguard, WillieB. Posey, was killed weeks later in a gangland murder at a North Chicago nightclub. Tank held a press conference and promised to change his ways. He was placed under "home confinement" by the courts and had to seek permission to travel and play in Super Bowl XLI — a game his Bears lost.
I'm not saying that running over a policeman is OK. Neither is Tank Johnson's attempt to be armed for a dope-fuelled invasion of Iraq. Well, yes, maybe I am saying that that's OK, but only because I'm far away from Tank. But we must realise that sport is our tainted parallel universe that's full of contradiction and double standards, and I'd like to keep it that way.
When Lance is found tipsy in a bar in Ballarat, we should thank him for not trying to run over an off-duty policeman. Yes, Scotland's alleged assault of a woman is much more serious, and if proven, he should leave for the NFL draft. But we might also consider giving him the keys to Ballarat for not possessing assault weapons and enough bullets to start Eureka Stockade II.
Let us not forget that it's Felony February, a time when our sporting elite traditionally gets into punch-ups, a time that fills the quietest part of our sporting year. That Whitnall had to front a press conference to explain why he sat for too long in a bar is ludicrous. Condemning sportsmen is simplistic, short-sighted and confirms that people these days wouldn't recognise truly bad behaviour if it jumped out of their porridge.
Look beyond our little world and you will soon realise that, thankfully, Lance has just been really bad at being bad.
