Laughter Is The Best Medicine

[Nutz]

A lot of adverts you see are taylored to meet your browsing habits.
It's why I'm seeing ads for prosthetics, walking aids, hearing aids etc.
Lately I've been getting ads about about funeral services.
Society has given up on me already as I'm only in my 60's

 

[Nutz]

 

[Nutz]

I definitely can relate to this one.

 

[Nutz]

 

[Nutz]

 

[Nutz]

My missus attempting her 5th driving licence test.
Notice that she is a responsible driver as she has her hazard lights flashing

 

[Tigerm]

On the first day at the new seniors complex the manager addressed all the new residents, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory for the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued,

“Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will get you a fine of $180.
Are there any questions?"

At this point an older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired:
“How much for a season pass?"

 

[Nutz]

On the first day at the new seniors complex the manager addressed all the new residents, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory for the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued,

“Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will get you a fine of $180.
Are there any questions?"

At this point an older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired:
“How much for a season pass?"

Or where does he get his medal

 

[Ned Kelly]

Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen.

 

[Ned Kelly]

When I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes she gave me a big hug.

 

[Nutz]

When I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes she gave me a big hug.

Consider yourself lucky

 

[Nutz]

We invented the Aussie Crawl swimming style , a great band Australian Crawl, the pub crawl, and the suck up to the wife crawl...how good are we.
Our indigenous folk invented the first superglue from
Spinifex Grass, they invented the boomerang, the woomera and much more but the best is the didgeridoo. How good are Aussies, black and white.

 

[Nutz]

What's the biggest insult ya missus has given you.
With good intentions I tried to put up a privacy screen at the front door for her.
After a bit of swearing and throwing tantrums I gave up and had a beer...she said it was like watching Mr Bean at work.
What does she expect, I only charged her 10bucks/hr.

 

[Nutz]

I'm sitting in pre-op waiting area feeling a bit miserable because this is major surgery number 16, hopefully the last, and I got a text message that cheered me up heaps.
It was from my insurance company stating they've been failing to reduce my premiums for being a good boy. How much I wondered, I have been with the company for yonks..could be hundreds of dollars.
Alas, moments later I got this msg...

 

[Milhouse2020]

President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech… If you were my husband I would poison your tea. Lincoln replied...if you are my wife I’ll gladly drink it.

That little exchange was Winston Churchill, not Abraham Lincoln. Think before you speak. It'll do you the world of good.

 

[Nutz]

That little exchange was Winston Churchill, not Abraham Lincoln. Think before you speak. It'll do you the world of good.

This is a humour thread, if you can't have a laugh about something that may not be historically correct then I can't help you.
In fact that saying has been said before Winston and twisted around like a lot of sayings do. I think I read somewhere that AL may have said something similar. Who cares.

Anecdote Origin: “If I Were Your Wife I’d Put Poison in Your Tea!” “If I Were Your Husband I’d Drink It” – Quote Investigator®

quoteinvestigator.com

 

[Milhouse2020]

This is a humour thread, if you can't have a laugh about something that may not be historically correct then I can't help you.
In fact that saying has been said before Winston and twisted around like a lot of sayings do. I think I read somewhere that AL may have said something similar. Who cares.

Anecdote Origin: “If I Were Your Wife I’d Put Poison in Your Tea!” “If I Were Your Husband I’d Drink It” – Quote Investigator®

quoteinvestigator.com

All I did was correct the accuracy of your post. No need to get your panties in a twist over it.

 

[Nutz]

And all I did was correct the accuracy of your post, no need to get your panties wet.
Humour thread, be nice, be happy or go to another thread...easy.

 

[Nutz]

 

[Tigerm]