IF YA SMELL!
The night couldn't start off much bigger, with the People's Champion making his way down to the ring to a deafening ovation. The Rock made the decision to jump to Raw after winning the Royal Rumble and it looks like he's set his sights on John Cena.
The Rock: Finally the Rock has come back to Pittsburg! John Cena, you jabroni, you crossed a line at Royal Rumble. You see, while the People's Champion was tossing people over the top rope one by one he was thinking about three things:
1. Winning the Royal Rumble for the millions.....and millions of The Rock's fans
2. Winning the WWE Title
3. Getting a chance to beat the holy hell out of you for what you did to Shawn Michaels.
Now I know what you're thinking, but The Rock doesn't even like Shawn Michaels. You're damn straight I don't! I don't like Shawn Michaels one bit. But that doesn't change the fact that you crossed the line at Royal Rumble. You didn't just cross the line, no, you spat in the people's faces while you did it. And when you hurt the people, you hurt The Rock. You've had that title since Wrestlemania and it looks like you're going to go coast to coast - but when it's all said and done, when the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, The Rock's going to take that title off you, he's gonna shine it up real nice, and he's gonna put it around his waist. And while you're crying to your mommy about that, I'm gonna take my size sixteen boot and stick it straight up your candy ass! IF YA SMELL.... What the Rock is cooking!
The fans go crazy as The Rock poses in the ring and we go to our first commercial of the night.
COMMERCIAL
The World Tag champions are out next, Cade and Murdoch looking cocky as they show footage of last week's victory over The Mexicools on Smackdown. They conveniently gloss over the interference from Eric Bischoff. They intend to speak more, it seems, but the arrival of Chavo Guerrero and Tajiri breaks up the party.
MATCH ONE: Tajiri & Chavo Guerrero vs. TNT (c) for the WWE Tag Titles
This is quite a good match, with the more agile pairing of babyfaces more than making up for Murdoch's own sluggishness in the ring. Cade and Chavo have a particularly memorable exchange, with Murdoch's greatest contribution being the man on the receiving end of some stinging kicks from Tajiri. Chavo controls the match brilliantly and is looking set to hit the Three Amigos on Trevor Murdoch when Lance Cade cracks him across the back. Rather than ignoring it, Chavo guillotines Cade and then goes over the top with a suicide dive! The two brawl up the ramp but it goes awry for Chavo when he's whipped into the stairs! The referee has no choice but to count the team out even as Tajiri spits Green Mist in Murdoch's face and near decapitates him with a brutal kick.
TNT celebrate an ill gained 'win' as Chavo staggers to his feet and apologies to Tajiri.
We cut backstage to where a limousine bearing Smackdown's markings pulls up. Theodore Long steps out but turns back to the car, speaking to someone inside it.
Long: You wait here, playas, I'll sort this out with Eric.
COMMERCIAL
I spit in the face of people who don't want to be cool
Carlito struts out cockily for what should be a tough title defence against The Big Show. The Big Show's entrance pyros cause Carlito to jump, and it doesn't look good for the champion.
MATCH TWO - Carlito (c) vs. The Big Show for the Intercontinental Title
This one is quite one sided, with Carlito basically beaten from pillar to post by the much larger man. His sole offence comes from attempting his lungblower, but he can't get Show to tumble back and gets a brutal snapmare from seven feet up for his troubles. Show is looking certain to score a victory when Kane's music hits. Show shoves Carlito away (having grabbed him for a Chokeslam) and the champion collides with the referee. Kane hits the ring and the two big men brawl with nothing between them. Carlito helps Kane out of desperation, low blowing Show - allowing Kane to chokeslam the big man. Kane's work is done, and he leaves Carlito to cover for the 1-2-3. Carlito doesn't stick around to celebrate, fleeing before Show can get revenge.
We cut backstage to where Eric Bischoff is standing with two security guards as Theodore Long approaches.
Teddy: Eric, I see you're prepared...
Eric: You're damn right I'm prepared, Teddy. I'm not as blindly stupid as you. Eric Bischoff almost brought the WWE to its knees and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a muppet like you surprise me.
Teddy: Playa, I think I have a surprise for you.
Teddy gestures to the limousine and the door opens. Eric grabs a can of capsicum spray from the nearest guard.
Eric: Let me handle this, boys.
A man steps out and he's momentarily obscured as Eric leaps at him and begins spraying him with capsicum spray! There's a pained cry and Eric springs back.
Eric: Mr. McMahon! I didn't know...
Vince: You son of a bitch, Eric! I can't see a damn thing!
Eric: I'm sorry Mr. McMahon it was...
Vince: And I wanted to see the match tonight
Eric: Match?
Vince: That's what I said, didn't I, you idiot. You've got a match tonight and I was looking forward to it!
Eric: But Mr. McMahon, I'm not a wrestler. I can't be expected to...
Vince: You're expected to and you're going to, Eric. You'll be facing the man in the limousine with me.
Eric: Who is...
Batista steps out of the limousine to a mammoth pop. He checks on Vince McMahon and then shakes Theodore Long's hand.
COMMERCIAL
We return from the break to find John Cena backstage with Maria.
Maria: John Cena, The Rock came out tonight...
Cena: He did? I'd never have picked it. Although, he does talk about sticking things up people's asses a hell of a lot, so I guess I'm not that surprised
Maria: Huh?
Cena: Step aside, sweetie, and let the champ talk. Rock, you want to come back from your vacation in Hollywood and step into my yard? You're coming on to my turf and you're calling me out? Uh uh, it 'aint happening. If you want this strap you're going to have to take it from my cold, lifeless hands. Shawn Michaels found that out the hard way. Wrestlemania, you want a piece of me? Your millions and millions 'aint worth one of my chain gang, homie, and you'd better believe that. Wrestlemania XXII, you're going to get punked out like the fake you are!
Cena leaves a stunned Maria behind.
Maria: Oh! I get it! You were saying The Rock liked boys! Haha.
We cut to the ring where Val Venis is already awaiting the arrival of AJ Styles, who makes his in ring Raw debut tonight.
MATCH THREE: AJ Styles vs. Val Venis
This is a remarkably good match, and I can't stress that enough. Styles shows that he can work a good match with anybody, and Venis reminds the WWE fans that he's not just a jobber to the stars. In a match featuring some great counter wrestling and high spots from Styles, the newcomer is able to hit the Styles Clash for a 1-2-3 victory.
Styles doesn't seem content with just beating Venis, however, and drags him to his feet for a second Styles Clash. The referees and security officials have to intervene to prevent Styles from seriously injuring Venis!
COMMERCIAL
Returning from the break and it's AJ Styles chatting with Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, and Chris Masters backstage about how easily he beat Venis. Shelton Benjamin appears to a modest pop.
Shelton: Thought that was pretty funny, didn't you?
Styles: Funny? It was hilarious.
Shelton: I bet you thought it was funny when you attacked me last week too?
Styles: Sure it was. Not as funny as when I eliminated you from the Royal Rumble, though.
Masters: Ooooh!
Shelton: You got lucky at the Royal Rumble, Styles. You came here running your mouth about wanting to challenge the best? You've got your wish. I want you next week on Raw!
Shelton doesn't wait for a response, and storms off leaving a somewhat stunned AJ Styles behind.
Kurt Angle's music hits and the Olympic Gold Medalist hits the ring for his match against Jimmy Jacobs. Jacobs, the plucky underdog, gets a moderate pop but most of the love is reseved for Angle.
MATCH FOUR: Kurt Angle vs. Jimmy Jacobs
This match is short but good, with Jacobs showing fans that he's not just a pair of berserker boots and 'Huss'. That said, Angle never really loses control, and is able to pick up a pinfall victory after hitting the Angle Slam.
Jacobs is out cold, but Angle helps him to his feet and the two shake hands. Angle then raises Jacobs' hand above him to show he was impressed with the youngster's performance.
COMMERCIAL
Goldust's music hits as the bizarre superstar makes his way down to the ring for his match against 'The Game' Triple H. Triple H's own entrance gets a mixed boo/cheer.
MATCH FIVE: Triple H vs. Goldust
This one is over even quicker than the last, Goldust barely getting off any offence before Triple H buries him with a Pedigree for the 1-2-3. He goes to the fallen Goldust and lifts him up in an exact reproduction of Angle's own sign of respect for Jimmy Jacobs, but stops himself at the last month and hits a second Pedigree! He was mocking Kurt Angle's sportsmanship!
COMMERCIAL
IF YA SMELL!
The Rock's music hits for the second time of the evening and this time the People's Champion is set for in ring action against Kane, who interfered in Big Show's Intercontinental Title match earlier in the evening.
MATCH SIX: The Rock vs. Kane
This is easily the match of the night, as The Rock and Kane turn back the clock with an Attitude era classic that has the fans cheering like mad. The Rock pulls out all of his trademark moves and sells Kane's size and strength brilliantly - particularly when selling a chokeslam and kicking out at the last possible second. The end of the match comes after fifteen minutes of brilliant brawling, with The Rock able to stem Kane's flow of offence with a DDT out of nowhere. Both men are down as the fans chant and the referee begins his ten count. Kane is first to his feet and attempts to pick Rocky up, but the People's Champ fires a few rights into Kane's midsection to break away. He comes off the ropes... and Kane grabs his throat. He's going for the chokeslam! No! Rocky hits Kane with an elbow to the side of the head! ROCK BOTTOM! 1-2-3! It's over! Rocky scores a stunning win!
The Rock can barely stand as suddenly CM Punk hits the ring, the straight edge superstar doesn't fare too well however, and a spinebuster sends him to the mat. What's this!? Chris Masters attacks The Rock from behind and he's got him locked in the Masterlock! The Rock is helpless! Kane is to his feet and Masters pushes Rocky forward into a chokeslam! What's the meaning of this!
John Cena appears at the top of the ramp and watches on with interest. Has he somehow enlisted these three men?
COMMERCIAL
Eric Bischoff makes his way out to the ring in wrestling attire looking nervous as hell. Batista's music hits and the former champion comes out with Theodore Long at his side to a tremendous pop.
MATCH SEVEN: Eric Bischoff vs. Batista
This is cat and mouse from the get go, with Bischoff going to the outside as soon as the bell rings. Batista shows a little foolishness to chase him, and when he re-enters the ring is treated to a few kicks from Bischoff - who is quick to back off and flee when Batista is too his feet. He eventually collides with Long, and the fans cheer as the Smackdown General Manager lays a big right hand on Bischoff! He then rolls the Raw GM into the ring where he gets drilled with a Batista Bomb! This one's over!
No! Edge is in the ring! Edge came through the crowd! SPEAR! The referee didn't see it as he was yelling at Theodore Long! Edge rolls Bischoff so he's got an arm draped over Batista's chest! 1-2-3! Eric Bischoff just beat Batista!
No chance. You've got no chance in hell!
Vince McMahon comes out to a big pop as Edge and Eric Bischoff look stunned and worried. Batista, for his part, looks pissed off.
Vince: You think you can get away with it that easily, Eric? Not only did you make a mockery of Smackdown last week but you made a career ending error - you assaulted a McMahon. Now, I may not be able to make you work another match tonight, but I can make Edge here work one. It's going to be Edge against Batista and....
The Rabid Wolverine's music hits and Chris Benoit comes out to a huge pop.
Vince: Chris Benoit!
Edge grabs a microphone.
Edge: Mr. McMahon, you can't be serious. Eric's my boss and I did what he asked. I shouldn't be punished with a handicap match because Bischoff offended you.
Eric: You snake in the grass! You...
Edge: Please, Mr. McMahon, be reasonable!
Vince: Alright, Edge, I'll be reasonable. You can have a partner. You can have... Muhammad Hassan!
The Arab-American comes out with Daivari at his side to huge heat.
MATCH EIGHT: Edge & Muhammad Hassan vs. Chris Benoit & Batista
This is another top quality match, continuing a night of great clashes. Benoit and Edge start things off, the clashes here remeniscent of their feud after Wrestlemania and prior to Benoit's jump to Smackdown. Benoit is isolated early and Edge and Hassan are able to exchange tags to keep it that way. Hassan looks strong when he hits a lariat and then locks in the Camel Clutch, but Benoit is somehow able to reach the ropes and get a basement dropkick to slow things down. The tag is made to Edge moments before Batista hits the ring and lays out both he and Hassan. Batista gives Hassan and Edge spinebusters and begins to shake the ropes to signal for the Batista Bomb, but Daivari gets up on the apron to get in his face. Batista brings him into the ring and plants him with a spinebuster, but now Lita's on the apron! She throws the briefcase to Edge, who rushes at Batista... he ducks! Edge knocks the referee down and Batista crushes him with a Batista Bomb! Cover! There's nobody to count it! That's at least a seven count but the referee is out!
The ref is eventually back up, but by now Benoit is the legal man and he's doing the job on Edge nicely. He's hit the triple Germans and has gone up to the top for the suicide headbutt when Lita again gets involved! She shoves Benoit and, at the second his feet hit the ground, Edge collides with a collosal Spear! It looks brutal! Cover and Daivari has a hold of Batista's leg, keeping him out of the ring! 1-2-3! Edge has pinned Chris Benoit! Edge, Daivari, Lita, Muhammad, and Bischoff make hurried exits - whether they're avoiding a furious Smackdown pairing or a livid Mr. McMahon remains to be seen!
Scoring
Lance Cade: Win (+5) and Title Defence (+3) = 8
Trevor Murdoch: Win (+5) and Title Defence (+3) = 8
Carlito: Win (+5) and Title Defence (+3) = 8
Kane: Interference (+1) = 1
AJ Styles: Win (+5) = 5
Kurt Angle: Win (+5) = 5
Triple H: Win (+5) = 5
The Rock: Win (+5) = 5
Eric Bischoff: Win (+5) = 5
Edge: Win (+5) and Interference (+1) = 6
Muhammad Hassan: Win (+5) = 5
Daivari: Interference (+1) = 1
Lita: Interference (+1) = 1
Leaderboard
raider_69 - 236
thuganomics - 211.5
Big Pete - 189
GreenGuy - 148
Knight82 143
lockyno1 - 135
PARANoIR - 85
Manuwera Marlins - 47.5
Gene Krupa - 42
brooksy19 29
Big_bad_Sharks_Fan - 26
MILLWALL 15
