12th Man Thread

[choc_soldier]

TONY: Yes he's certainly been playing well, Wasim, now that he's been able to put his groin behind him.
BILL: Yes Tony, apparently he's far more comfortable there. I understand this is the first time this type of operation has been performed. It's actually called a groin relocation.
TONY: Yes Bill, certainly worked wonders for Wasim Wasamadrooter, who's found some form so far on this tour, he's been scoring freely in some of these lead up matches. Had some great partnerships, indeed, his batting average on this tour is quite remarkable, you see on his chart there, Wasim has an average of 193, he hasn't been dismissed so far on this tour, and certainly Pakistan will be looking to him to lead the charge for them today
BILL: Got him! Yes, piss off you're out! Beautiful piece of bowling Craig McDermott - that's f***ed his average Tony...

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TONY: And in he comes again to bowl to Ikeepmyjarofteeth Inajarbesidethebed - and he plays that one out towards cover point, they're going for a quick single here, Wasi's going to have to hurry, the throw from Dean Jones hits the stumps, and Wasi run out without scoring
BILL: Of course he was run out without scoring Tony, you wanker
TONY: Well, that's what I just said, Wasi out you stupid asshole
BILL: What do you mean was he run out, look at the f***ing replay
TONY: I don't need to see the replay Bill, I've already said Wasi run out for a duck
BILL: Well, if you're still not sure, then watch the bloody replay Tony... (fades away)

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OK... I'll let other people play now... :lol:

 

[Raider_69]

TONY: And in he comes again to bowl to Ikeepmyjarofteeth Inajarbesidethebed - and he plays that one out towards cover point, they're going for a quick single here, Wasi's going to have to hurry, the throw from Dean Jones hits the stumps, and Wasi run out without scoring
BILL: Of course he was run out without scoring Tony, you wanker
TONY: Well, that's what I just said, Wasi out you stupid asshole
BILL: What do you mean was he run out, look at the f***ing replay
TONY: I don't need to see the replay Bill, I've already said Wasi run out for a duck
BILL: Well, if you're still not sure, then watch the bloody replay Tony... (fades away)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Gold

 

[CycloneSteve]

RICHIE:
And with the score at 0/10, Havascar it was who was the first to be dismissed when he went for a slash just outside the off stump (sound of someone peeing). The umpire had no hesitation in giving him out, you cant do that sort of thing in International One Day Cricket, not even over here in Bombay, and the puddle left on the pitch by Havascar's little indiscretion, proved to be a real bonus for the Australians who now had something to aim at.......

DARRYL EASTLAKE:
Oh by geez his guts have dropped out all over the floor this is tragic for the young fellow.......

(from Wired World of Sports - cant remember the name of the first bloke but Max Walker is the second guy on this bit)

UNKNOWN GUY: Ah come on fella's......fella's.....
MAX: Bah f*ck off Bear ya drip!!......

classics....all of em.....

 

[God-King Dean]

Richie: You know what I ate today? Braised Deer's Penis. Tasted like an ol' cock :lol:

 

[Azkatro]

This one isn't exactly cricket related, but is from Wired World of Sports ...

Daryl Eastlake: Sterling, dummy half... finds Boyle on his outside... Boyle on the burst! Ohhh, nearly has his head knocked off! Boyle, tries to squeeze the pass (pus) out but he can't! And finally he's cleaned up by Wally Lewis, hoh-hohh and that's pretty hygenic stuff there by the Queensland skipper.
Jack Gibson: A pretty disgusting piece of play. Probably put a few people off their tea.

 

[God-King Dean]

What about that one by Ray Warren where Daley hits the ball over the posts with his cock :lol: :lol: :lol:

If someone could put the quotes up for it would be greatly appreciated

 

[Matt23]

Also non cricket related
Daryl: Pearce off Jack, Gibbs om
Jack: What did you f*ckin say?
Daryl: Pearce off Jack, Gibbs on
Jack: Dont tell me to piss off...whack
Daryl: Hoh Hohh, Big Jack's king hit me, and i've gone crashing to the deck

 

[S2H]

Norths have taken MatS ears off and Sodenback on.

Shearer on Lamb.

Comments from the super coach.

 

[Azkatro]

Haha Shearer on Lamb... "Well where else would you expect him to be?" :lol:

 

[choc_soldier]

Oh, they've got the Raiders in a daze the Knights this afternoon.

 

[S2H]

Umpire Strikes Back refers the decision to the third umpire Les Bian.

 

[azza]

Richie" "So Sri Lanka going well... but then the collapse really started when HughVanGogh wassapainta and Hecuttofahis f**kinear both fell in quick succession... Hughvangogh caught of the bowling of Wells for 5... and a few balls later, Hecuttofahis f**kinear didn't hear the call from his skipper... Ramatungadowna throata, and eventually took off.... but was always going to be struggling to make his ground. And in the end, f**kinear was... nowhere fu*kin near it - run out at the bowlers end for chooooo.

 

[nöyd]

Richie" "So Sri Lanka going well... but then the collapse really started when HughVanGogh wassapainta and Hecuttofahis f**kinear both fell in quick succession... Hughvangogh caught of the bowling of Wells for 5... and a few balls later, Hecuttofahis f**kinear didn't hear the call from his skipper... Ramatungadowna throata, and eventually took off.... but was always going to be struggling to make his ground. And in the end, f**kinear was... nowhere fu*kin near it - run out at the bowlers end for chooooo.

More Gold :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Azkatro]

Have to drag this thread out of the archives to put this in ... been pissing myself laughing at it for the last few days :lol:

Martin: Yes hello, this is Martun Crowe speaking.
Richie: Martin, Richie Benaud.
Martin: Oh gudday Ruch, how's thungs?
Richie: I'm good, yourself?
Martin: Ixcellent!
Richie: Oh good.
Martin: Ixceptionally good!
Richie: Oh, pleased to hear it.
Martin: Just about to hid off to the Waca aye.
Richie: Yes uh, me too. Listen ah, Martin there's been a change of plan for Sunday's game, ahhh.. you won't be required in the box on Sunday.
Martin: Oh, that's a but stuff Ruch aye! How come?
Richie: Well ahhh, we're trialling a couple of potential new captains in the box on Sunday Martin and uh, you and Hansie are being subbed out.
Martin: Oh Ruch thit's not fair! I'm in the running for the skupper's gug as well, I've put un an audition tape!
Richie: Yes I know you have.
Martin: That I can't use some of thus mitch to further impriss the selictors!
Richie: Well I'm sorry, that's just the way it is Martin.
Martin: Gee why can't one of the other chips be risted?
Richie: Well, you and Hansie are only guest commentators so you two are the obvious choices to uh.. sit this one out.
Martin: Well Ruch I'm pritty pussed off aye!
Richie: I'm sorry you feel that way....
Martin: I'm incinsed wuth that dicusion! I mean ivery mitch is a bug opportunity to make an imprission...
Richie: I know that.
Martin: ... and to just be merely dusmussed and muss the opportunity really gives me the shuts aye!
Richie: Well Martin, I can understand you being a bit upset.
Martin: A but upsit! A but upsit! I thunk luvud would be more iccurate!
Richie: Yeah well, whatever.
Martin: Thus is just another example of Kuwi bashing, ut's as sumple as thit!
Richie: Oh bullshit Martin.
Martin: That whole sheep shaggin', ram rooting crap that you Aussies always unsust on cripping on wuth.
Richie: Martin, that's the way it is my friend, so either take it on board, or pack your bags and f**k off home!
*click*

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[choc_soldier]

Thought I would revive this thread, in anticipation for the new 12th Man CD.

A bit from The Last Dig...

Mark Taylor (upward infliction on every word): Thank you very much Ian Chappell, good afternoon, to all of our viewers, Australia, in a very commanding position here, after 38 overs, 7 for 635 after Steve Waugh won the toss and elected to bat. Certainly been a masterful batting display by Australia, Hansie Cronje.

Hansie Cronje: You bet it has Mark, my money's definitely on them for sure, 7 for 635, they'd be odds on the Australians. New Zealand I'd wager will have a devil of a time trying to score that many. The result of this match pretty much a foregone conclusion really, and that's how I like them Mark.

MT: I'm sure it is. Chris Cairns, coming in again, to bowl to Ricky Ponting. Just flicks it off the pads there for another six. Good looking shot, well played there by Ricky Ponting again. South Africa, would be sh*tting themselves with the prospect of playing the Aussie in this kind of form, Hansie.

HC: Yes Mark, it's a safe bet they would be sh*tting themselves, I'll give you the tip. Selectors are gambling on some of the new players finding form, and I know a couple of senior players desperately needed to fix their games.

MT: You'll be able to help out there Hansie

HC: They've been out of form recently, and my inside information is that a couple of senior players may not last to the end of the tour. In fact, the whisper is that one player has already been told to book his ticket home,

MT: Is that right Hansie?

HC: Book his ticket... just give me a moment will you Mark (dialling phone)

MT: Chris Cairns, coming into Rickiy Ponting again

HC: Hello, John!

And so on...

 

[choc_soldier]

Mark Taylor: Oh Ricky Ponting, just leans back and cracks that one through the covers. Superb piece of timing again from Ponting. Been brilliant today, for his 168 now, off just 98 balls. Played every shot in the book today, Ricky Ponting... cuts, pulls, drives, left handed, right handed, eyes closed standing on one leg pants down...

 

[PARRA_FAN]

UNKNOWN GUY: Ah come on fella's......fella's.....
MAX: Bah f*ck off Bear ya drip!!......

classics....all of em.....

Thats a take off of Ian Maurice. There's another one Wired World of Sports 2.

IM: Thanks very much Maxy, good afternoon to you and everyone (keeps repeating)
IM: Thanks very much Maxy....
MW: Oh FFS Bear will you stop bloody rehersing, you sound find
IM: Thanks very much Maxy

(Wired World of sports theme comes on, Max's blowing his nose, a classic :lol: )

Oh what the f***k.

(on air)
MW: Now its over Ian Maurice at the sports desk with all the latest news
IM: Thanks very max, Muchy good afternoon to you and everyone

Soccer:
Youcanski now passes to, noIcanski, yeahicanski, weallcanski, passes it to sonofabitch he scores, 2 nothing Australia.

Lostmyhouseki now, wattabitch. Now the substitution Smith comes on, I hope I pronounced that correctly.

 

[fat_mike]

little chipavitch over the topavitch.

bruce f**koffyabitch it's a goal.

2 nilski australia
england in deep sh*tski

 

[IanG]

Bill-Shane Warne, the hero, I love him I wanna boof him get him up here!!

He said that about Merv Hughes too

 

[IanG]

Then of course the first Wired World Of Sports album you had not only Mike Gibson farting on air, but also the Rick Disneck interview.(The gymnist who we saw slamming into the vaulting horse.Brian Meka(Spelling))