Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[Knightmare]

Not sulking at all. It's good that there is a platform where people can share what is on their mind, especially if they are going through hard times...

 

[Frederick]

Gay

 

[Knightmare]

Yes Frederick, very mature...

 

[Springs]

I think there's a lot of rubbish in that tbh. Speaking for myself, there are several people I love more than myself and care about more than myself. That makes me acutely aware of the effect my actions have on them. It doesnt mean I'm living for them, but they help keep me going at times. I wouldn't say I've ever been suicidal as such, but it's an unavoidable part of depression to have suicidal thoughts. I also think your last sentence is crap.

Exactly. Cliffy you don't have any idea what other people go through so don't even think about telling them their depression might be because they're not self-centred enough. As Bazal said, your last sentence was complete crap. Honestly, by those thoughts you're the one with the narrow mind.

'I will achieve my goals and only then kill myself' oh good nice to know the ones that love you have no impact on your choice. Also nice to know your ambitions are more important to you. I don't stay here because my loved ones would be sad if I leave, I stay here because I care more about how my loved ones feel than I do about my own ambitions, which honestly aren't much to be honest.

Many people live solely for those they love. That is making the most of their life for them. To tell them their life is not much better than being dead shows a complete lack of respect. Not everyone has to be self-centred and I congratulate anyone who chooses to devote their lives to others, not call them 'silly' like you do.

To even consider suicide in my view, shows a very weak character.

The weak willed who are too much of a softcock to deal with the shit they're in and have no care about those who care about them will take the softcock option and commit suicide

The giving up and weak aspects is why I've never considered it, but that doesn't mean I judge those who do by my reasons.

There is a quote about suicide by the author of Infinity Jest. It compares it to jumping from a high rise building that's on fire. Now being on the ground you could never understand a decision to jump to certain death, unless you felt those flames and knew there was no other way out.
Now I understand your reasoning, but I also think it is very badly judgmental and that you have completely no idea what it's like to live in complete melancholic depression and utter despair each and every day. It also shows a lack of respect for certain situations and mental illnesses that lead to suicide.

 

[kia ora storm]

Man this thread went from pathetic to incredibly depressing!

When I feel suicidal I don't think to myself "I can't, my family would be sad". I think "well f**k I am no quitter, I will achieve all my goals and then kill myself."

I don't think you actually considering suicide if you don't do it because of how it would impact your family. I think when you really want to be dead you believe the world is better off without you in that miserable state and you want to send a message out to your family and friends so they can in part understand how miserable you were.

I think a lot of people here have fairly narrow minded views towards suicide to be honest. I also think nobody should feel like they're living for other people. Not making the most of your life is not much better than committing suicide. Refusing to live your dreams because it means you will have to move away from your family or whatever is silly. I love my family, but I can love them from any corner of the earth. I would be proud of anyone I loved who moved away to pursue a dream.

Maybe the reason a few of you are a bit depressed (not Dragon) is because you're so unwilling to take risks and pursue your ambitions. Stop living for other people and live for you or die at least f**king do it for yourself.

Pretty self righteous post TBH...have a heart Cliffy and stop preaching.

 

[IanG]

But back to the topic.

A few years back I was working with this chick and got keen on her. Problem was whenever I saw her socially her old man was present as well. To be honest I found that extremely off putting. So I didn't pursue anything. A few years later I get matched with her on a site that I'm on. Well I stupidly didn't go there thinking that I'd already been friend binned by her. Starting to wish I had now cause she now has a boyfriend.

 

[Hallatia]

He's so gay he makes other gay people look... not gay.

could he actually make other gay people ungay?

:lol: I'm so immature I laughed at both of these comments and especially liked the first one

 

[Dragon2010]

Well, Booked to see a specialist. Hopefully, I can get some help.

 

[Eelementary]

Well, Booked to see a specialist. Hopefully, I can get some help.

Well done, my friend. That's a brave decision, but the right one. Good luck.

 

[kia ora storm]

Well, Booked to see a specialist. Hopefully, I can get some help.

Good stuff...that is the first step.

 

[Springs]

Well, Booked to see a specialist. Hopefully, I can get some help.

Well done Dragon.

 

[nöyd]

to quote C3-PO, my best mate at work has gone and done something rather rash...

short story is he and his missus have had a falling out (not divorced - yet i think?) so he hopped in the sack with a bird from work. finally the bird from work dropped the "her or me" ultimatum, and he's been like a deer in the headlights ever since, and as far as i know he hasnt made any real decision, apart from moving out on his own.

thoughts? theories?

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

Thoughts - he's got nowhere to hide now.

 

[Dragon2010]

Have two wives IMO. :crazy:

 

[Cliffhanger]

Pretty self righteous post TBH...have a heart Cliffy and stop preaching.

The heart is an organ which pumps oxygenated blood through the body, the fact that I am typing is proof I already have a heart.

Exactly. Cliffy you don't have any idea what other people go through so don't even think about telling them their depression might be because they're not self-centred enough. As Bazal said, your last sentence was complete crap. Honestly, by those thoughts you're the one with the narrow mind.

'I will achieve my goals and only then kill myself' oh good nice to know the ones that love you have no impact on your choice. Also nice to know your ambitions are more important to you. I don't stay here because my loved ones would be sad if I leave, I stay here because I care more about how my loved ones feel than I do about my own ambitions, which honestly aren't much to be honest.

Many people live solely for those they love. That is making the most of their life for them. To tell them their life is not much better than being dead shows a complete lack of respect. Not everyone has to be self-centred and I congratulate anyone who chooses to devote their lives to others, not call them 'silly' like you do.

Why should somebody else's happiness matter more to me than my own? The truth is I have the most control over my own fate, and my own choices, I can not make choices for other people. The only person who I aim not to disappoint is myself. I am not saying you shouldn't help people, or you should run away from your responsibilities- there are certain responsibilities in every relationship, but to make your choices based on others is not right. In a partner I look for somebody who helps in inspire me to be the best I can be and who I inspire to do the same. To me that is crucial in any relationship.

Springs, if your parents were devoted Catholics and insisted you go to Church and pray and you knew that they would take great comfort in believing you headed to heaven and you being an atheist would make them miserable, would you become a practising Catholic? Would you devote yourself to a God you don't believe in simply to give comfort to those you love?

 

[IanG]

Have two wives IMO. :crazy:

Nah one would be enough

 

[Springs]

The heart is an organ which pumps oxygenated blood through the body, the fact that I am typing is proof I already have a heart.


Why should somebody else's happiness matter more to me than my own? The truth is I have the most control over my own fate, and my own choices, I can not make choices for other people. The only person who I aim not to disappoint is myself. I am not saying you shouldn't help people, or you should run away from your responsibilities- there are certain responsibilities in every relationship, but to make your choices based on others is not right. In a partner I look for somebody who helps in inspire me to be the best I can be and who I inspire to do the same. To me that is crucial in any relationship.

Springs, if your parents were devoted Catholics and insisted you go to Church and pray and you knew that they would take great comfort in believing you headed to heaven and you being an atheist would make them miserable, would you become a practising Catholic? Would you devote yourself to a God you don't believe in simply to give comfort to those you love?

It's not right to you maybe but don't speak for everyone. Everyone else's happiness matters more to me than my own and if that makes me depressed than so be it. I don't want to disappoint anyone. If you only care about your own happiness and disappointment that's fine but don't berate others for not being as selfish as you are.

If my parents were overbearing and forced me to go to church then no I wouldn't go because they are being unreasonable and selfish themselves. If they were genuinely good people and cared deeply for others and for them to be happy was just to go with them to church every sunday then sure, I would go with them. Being with good, caring parents and seeing them happy would make me happy anyway, right? Being an atheist isn't important to me. I don't care about faith at all.

Right now a girl who really hurt me told me she doesn't want to be friends because seeing me and reminding her of what she did makes her feel like shit. And to save the friendship, if possible, I have to hide my own feelings and memories for the sake of her happiness, because in truth I care more about her than I do my own happiness.

 

[[furrycat]]

tl;dr

 

[madunit]

to quote C3-PO, my best mate at work has gone and done something rather rash...

short story is he and his missus have had a falling out (not divorced - yet i think?) so he hopped in the sack with a bird from work. finally the bird from work dropped the "her or me" ultimatum, and he's been like a deer in the headlights ever since, and as far as i know he hasnt made any real decision, apart from moving out on his own.

thoughts? theories?

as they say in the classics "He be f**ked"

He essentially has two wives.

He should probably just change jobs, phone numbers and tell the wife what he's done. If she doesn't want him back, he has to accept his dopey actions are the cause and he has to do the right thing by those he's hurt.

Sounds like a softcock wanker, unable to sit down and reconcile with his wife. deserves a shitload of bad karma.

 

[Twizzle]

as they say in the classics "He be f**ked"

He essentially has two wives.

He should probably just change jobs, phone numbers and tell the wife what he's done. If she doesn't want him back, he has to accept his dopey actions are the cause and he has to do the right thing by those he's hurt.

Sounds like a softcock wanker, unable to sit down and reconcile with his wife. deserves a shitload of bad karma.

one of Dave Chapelle's favourite lines