Ask LU - The relationship advice thread

[adamkungl]

tad messed up.

 

[Joker's Wild]

FMD now Im shitting myself thinking about whats gonna happen with my daughter in 13 years

 

[joshie]

My mum was super psycho when my sisters started liking and talking to guys! all three of them got a talk about not choosing douchebags and making sure hes the one etc. and she did this pretty extensivly and even scared one of them off boys for a while haha

and you know what she did to me? sat me down, handed me a pack of Condoms and said "dont mess with their heads, be respectful, be smart"

Why is there such a difference between genders? even early when you get these talks?

 

[Trollface]

What were the CDs for?

*Edit: Condoms. I see

 

[Karl]

my point is that there isn't much a parent can do which they should resort to anyway

ut you can make her feel really unattractive and unworthy of love, so she doesn't think she could be with someone - I am not suggesting you do that, just letting you know that it is an option

I laughed when I saw that bit, but I thought you were just joking. [FONT=&quot]
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[FONT=&quot]I was going to say that this strategy runs the risk of backfiring and making her seek out meaningless sex to feel approved and wanted. But that would have just been a joke too.
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[FONT=&quot]You weren't even half serious were you? It was an ironic example of what would be unbelievable bad parenting.
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[adamkungl]

My parents didnt give me the talk. thank f**king god.

Wait...mum tried to once. When I was 18. Tried to repress that one.

 

[Joker's Wild]

lol Makes me glad I had an older brother with a subscription to Picture magazine.

A young man can learn a lot from that publication

 

[joshie]

being the only male in the family can have it its advantages too! reading all the sealed sections in my sisters mags, and surprisingly, a guy can learn a lot about the opposite sex and how to make it better between the sheets haha

 

[Springs]

My father asked me when I was 13 if I knew anything about sex and reproduction. I said no. Fool, I knew everything!

I would really dread having a teenage daughter. I get protective of my female friends when it comes to sex and drugs. Not to mention my sister. I'd hate to think of how I would feel if I had a teenage daughter.

 

[Twizzle]

firstly Karl, is there a problem or do you just suspect there is or maybe a problem

are you worrying about nothing ?

whats wrong with trusting her or her judgement ?

 

[Alba]

you can' really stop her from dating or whatever, but you can make her feel really unattractive and unworthy of love, so she doesn't think she could be with someone - I am not suggesting you do that, just letting you know that it is an option

WOW. This is possibly the most f***ed up thing anyone has ever said on here. Why would you want to make your own daughter feel unworthy and unattractive. As a parent, you're meant to protect your children, not hurt them. By doing that anyway they are just going to end up with the first person that shows them interest because their self esteem will be so low. OMG, I am so appalled at this post, especially coming from a female! They are their parents children, you raise them, you should trust their judgement. Everyone makes mistakes, if you don't, you don't learn anything. OMG.

 

[Alba]

This is a question for the ladies -

At what age do girls start getting properly interested in boys these days? I know it varies, but assume normal, mid-line emotional development, perhaps slightly advanced.

When do they start with the "no, but I LIKE like him" stage and want a boyfriend as opposed to having a few friends who are boys.

I have a 13 year old daughter and I sense I am in dangerous territory. I can't lock her in the tallest room in the highest tower all her life, but I don't want her mooning over some hormone ridden git (and obviously not telling us about it) while I think she's still just hangin' with her girlfriends and joking about boy germs.

Where's it all sit these days? Because I'm pretty sure it's changed since the 80's, they seem a long way ahead of where we were at.

She has definitely already had crushes! The best thing you can do is let her know you trust her and make her feel like she can talk to you if she is upset about boys or whatever. I know it's hard because you just wanna lock her away from real life, but believe me, that will only make her rebel more!

 

[adamkungl]

Poor Hala

 

[joshie]

Poor hala if it was a joke


not poor Hala if it was dead serious.

 

[thorson1987]

My parents didnt give me the talk. thank f**king god.

Wait...mum tried to once. When I was 18. Tried to repress that one.

haha im the same. Although my parents thought i lost my virginity when i was 14 even though i never said anything about it. Probably because the chicks me and my mates were hanging with those days.

 

[HowHigh]

I went to a catholic primary school and we had sex education night in year 6 that we had to attend with our parent/parents

 

[Karl]

So how do I get her to hold off the whole sex thing until she's like, 30? Nah, you know, not 30, if I have to be realistic and not pathologically against her ever doing it - say 17. I could cope with 17. 18 would be better. You know, get through school without that as a distraction.

Do you go the "respect your body, don't give it away, the boys your age are just after one thing, save yourself for someone you love maturely, it's special and should be with the right person" angle and build her self-esteem so she can say "No, I'm worth more than a quick roll with a horny kid" route? That seems like the only logical way to me to get her to hold off without giving her any debilitating attitudes or phobia's.

Fathers are conflicted creatures. We love the idea of our daughters marrying a nice bloke and having a family and being happy etc, but we HATE the idea of anyone touching our little girl.

 

[Twizzle]

you seem to be thinking the worse is going to happen

if she is a smart well brought up girl I doubt she be having sex at 13 and she'll be smart enough to know what to do and what not to do

not to freak you out but there is more to worry about than sex, drugs are also where kids need to be educated

communication is the key, if you cant sit down and talk frankly to her and trust her, maybe her mum can talk to her, some one has to be there for her to answer her questions and educate her her in the ways of the world as its a time when kids can be vulnerable

 

[joshie]

if she is a smart well brought up girl I doubt she be having sex at 13 and she'll be smart enough to know what to do and what not to do

I think that is wrong. no matter how someone is brought up, if a young girl or guy gets into a situation where they feel things that are new to them, they will more than likely act on them. as long as they are safe, i think there is nothing wrong with them acting on their feelings because it IS apart of growing up.

I am in no way saying 13 year olds should be having sex, i meant more into the years of 14-17, but it shouldnt be frowned upon if it is done safely.

 

[Twizzle]

at 13 she should not really be exposed to any situations like that as she is too young to be anywhere but under the supervision of an adult

you can never care too much about your kids, you only get one chance at it