Mental Health

[Gary Gutful]

Enjoy your thread people. Look after each other.

 

[Eelementary]

Enjoy your thread people. Look after each other.

It's our thread. All of ours.

 

[hindy111]

Enjoy your thread people. Look after each other.

Keep well Gary

 

[emjaycee]

I am incredibly well informed on the topic for very personal reasons.

Don’t appreciate being made to feel uncomfortable sharing my opinions and think it’s better for my mental health that I don’t engage any further as it will be too personal and painful to share what I know on this topic.

I love this thread and how it is allowing people who choose to speak about their mental health challenges (personal or with others they love) but the comment by Gary above highlight one risk that threads such as this one (and the Covid-19 thread) introduce.

When discussing subjects that are deeply personal, people may sometimes become uncomfortable discussing their own views as they may not want to also share the circumstances that formed those views. And there will be differing opinions formed (and comments made) by those views which they cannot extrapolate on without divulging more information than they wish.

Sometimes these different points of view become argumentative in nature which kind of goes against the purpose of a thread such as this - to provide support to those that need it. The fact that Gary believes he was made to feel uncomfortable and therefore won't discuss his thoughts and won't participate in this thread, is something we all need to be aware of and try to minimise.

 

[Suitman]

Enjoy your thread people. Look after each other.

It is a thread for all of us Gary.
We are all here to help each other.
Don't walk away now.

 

[Gronk]

Paul Green's Memorial Service.

Spoiler: Sad stuff

 

[hindy111]

I have a friend. Known since school. Every year we have a similar chat generaly when he is on his annual holidays while he sits at home for a month. His folks are all he really has and they are getting old and not well.
Recently our discussion which I do my best to help and offer some advice went further south to the point he basicalt said once they are gone f**k this and ill give it a year but if I am still single I dont want to keep going. Just waiting for them really.
No matter what suggestions I make he never changes, never listens. This time I was very blunt and told him you need to see a doctor before its to late because all these things you're telling me is worrying.
But just no reply. Kind of what he does. Just goes silent. Knowing him well and the fact he is serious I did ask again but the reply was along the line Oh I just needed to get out of the house for a day. I'm fine now.
I'll get the same thing next year. I dont know how I can help him anymore as I have my own personal problems. And as much as I want to help it is also very hard to be around someone when they are just so negative. Especially when you don't have much free time.
He is a mate, I don't want to give up on him but anything I do or say goes through one ear and out the other. He won't go and get help and he also won't change his ways.
A lot of other mutual friends have basicaly given up on him. It is a tough situation tbh. Plus I am not the greatest person to talk to when it comes to emotions.

 

[Gronk]

I have a friend. Known since school. Every year we have a similar chat generaly when he is on his annual holidays while he sits at home for a month. His folks are all he really has and they are getting old and not well.
Recently our discussion which I do my best to help and offer some advice went further south to the point he basicalt said once they are gone f**k this and ill give it a year but if I am still single I dont want to keep going. Just waiting for them really.
No matter what suggestions I make he never changes, never listens. This time I was very blunt and told him you need to see a doctor before its to late because all these things you're telling me is worrying.
But just no reply. Kind of what he does. Just goes silent. Knowing him well and the fact he is serious I did ask again but the reply was along the line Oh I just needed to get out of the house for a day. I'm fine now.
I'll get the same thing next year. I dont know how I can help him anymore as I have my own personal problems. And as much as I want to help it is also very hard to be around someone when they are just so negative. Especially when you don't have much free time.
He is a mate, I don't want to give up on him but anything I do or say goes through one ear and out the other. He won't go and get help and he also won't change his ways.
A lot of other mutual friends have basicaly given up on him. It is a tough situation tbh. Plus I am not the greatest person to talk to when it comes to emotions.

You don’t need to say anything. You just need to be there, be present and listen.

 

[parra pete]

Paul Green's Memorial Service.

Spoiler: Sad stuff

Paul's mum is a Hay girl. RIP Paul...Condolences Patty and families..

 

[hindy111]

You don’t need to say anything. You just need to be there, be present and listen.

Problem is this person can be hard to be around at times when in these moods. I mean when I work 40-50hrs during the week and want to chill on the weekend and relax with good company it is quite draining. Especialy when they won't change or listen. And its been going on for 15yrs.

 

[Gronk]

Problem is this person can be hard to be around at times when in these moods. I mean when I work 40-50hrs during the week and want to chill on the weekend and relax with good company it is quite draining. Especialy when they won't change or listen. And its been going on for 15yrs.

It might sound counterintuitive, but you need to set your boundaries too.

 

[Eelementary]

I have a friend. Known since school. Every year we have a similar chat generaly when he is on his annual holidays while he sits at home for a month. His folks are all he really has and they are getting old and not well.
Recently our discussion which I do my best to help and offer some advice went further south to the point he basicalt said once they are gone f**k this and ill give it a year but if I am still single I dont want to keep going. Just waiting for them really.
No matter what suggestions I make he never changes, never listens. This time I was very blunt and told him you need to see a doctor before its to late because all these things you're telling me is worrying.
But just no reply. Kind of what he does. Just goes silent. Knowing him well and the fact he is serious I did ask again but the reply was along the line Oh I just needed to get out of the house for a day. I'm fine now.
I'll get the same thing next year. I dont know how I can help him anymore as I have my own personal problems. And as much as I want to help it is also very hard to be around someone when they are just so negative. Especially when you don't have much free time.
He is a mate, I don't want to give up on him but anything I do or say goes through one ear and out the other. He won't go and get help and he also won't change his ways.
A lot of other mutual friends have basicaly given up on him. It is a tough situation tbh. Plus I am not the greatest person to talk to when it comes to emotions.

That really sucks, mate.

There isn't much you can do, but be a good mate, and listen - which you've done.

I understand your mate is in a poor head space, and doesn't see any other way - but he's not likely to take on the help that may be offered to him at this stage, sadly.

You mentioned he doesn't want to be single any more - is he trying to meet someone?

Maybe opting to use an online dating service to meet someone may be the catalyst for him.

 

[Gronk]

Very sad that this lady felt that she had no alternative. She no doubt has grieving friends and family.

If anything, this is a pefect example on why social media is toxic.

Have a look at the litany of morons who have chimed in with their cold comments.

 

[hindy111]

That really sucks, mate.

There isn't much you can do, but be a good mate, and listen - which you've done.

I understand your mate is in a poor head space, and doesn't see any other way - but he's not likely to take on the help that may be offered to him at this stage, sadly.

You mentioned he doesn't want to be single any more - is he trying to meet someone?

Maybe opting to use an online dating service to meet someone may be the catalyst for him.

No he won't. He won't change his style or anything. If make suggestions he shoots you down. " No worries Romeo" things like that. Or how superficial things don't matter.
I can honestly see why most have given up on him. On top of all this he will make plans, be 1 hour late, not turn up and say fell asleep etc.

 

[hindy111]

Very sad that this lady felt that she had no alternative. She no doubt has grieving friends and family.

If anything, this is a pefect example on why social media is toxic.

Have a look at the litany of morons who have chimed in with their cold comments.

I felt social media when I was a little down made me feel worse. Photos of everyone else's happy shots and lives seeming to be full of fun and laughter.
I deleted it all and haven't missed it.

 

[Eelementary]

No he won't. He won't change his style or anything. If make suggestions he shoots you down. " No worries Romeo" things like that. Or how superficial things don't matter.
I can honestly see why most have given up on him. On top of all this he will make plans, be 1 hour late, not turn up and say fell asleep etc.

That really sucks.

I was in those same shoes as your mate, many years ago.

My best friend said to me that unless I sought professional help, he would cut all ties with me, because it was too hard to be around me, when I didn't want to make the changes to try live a better life.

At the time, I thought, "f**k this guy - he calls himself a friend?"

But after a few days, it really hit me - I had pushed everyone I cared about away, and I needed to make a change.

I'd tried, and tried, to seek help, and I wasn't gelling with any one treatment - but I made a conscious decision to not push my loved ones away.

Please do not torture yourself - your mate is in a really bad space, but you've done all you can to help.

Honestly, short of calling the police to do a welfare check on him (if you have concerns), you've done everything you can.

 

[emjaycee]

I dont know the answer to this but would getting the police to do a welfare check not only provide the immediate benefit of checking on his well-being, but also maybe trigger him to do something a little bit more permanent to address his problems?

He might go "wow, someone cares enough to get the police to check on me, maybe I should try and get some help"

 

[Gronk]

Looks like @hindy111 s mate is very draining on most people. Like Colin Robinson the Energy Vampire in What we do in the Shadows.

IMHO you need to come from a place of compassion. Often someone who seems to need constant attention is actually experiencing low self-worth.

If the guy is depressive, or may be struggling with something like bipolar, having a friend to talk to might not be enough. In his case, it may be that he needs to undertand that professional help may be necessary, and then helping him find it, is the road to a better life.

Completing the K10 (Kessler) Questionaire with his Dr will help determine the next steps.

Anxiety and Depression Test K10 - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue

Complete our mental health check-in to help you understand what kind of support you might need right now. We’re here to help you find that support.

www.beyondblue.org.au

 

[lingard]

No he won't. He won't change his style or anything. If make suggestions he shoots you down. " No worries Romeo" things like that. Or how superficial things don't matter.
I can honestly see why most have given up on him. On top of all this he will make plans, be 1 hour late, not turn up and say fell asleep etc.

Unfortunately there are some people who, for whatever reason, want to remain victims and will resist all efforts to help them (or promptings to help themselves). Often they aren't actually suffering as much, in a subjective sense, as they seem to be from the perspective of others. It sounds like your mate might be one of those people. It can be psychologically far easier to remain where you are than to make the considerable (and uncomfortable) effort to change. You've done what you can, Hindy. Remain his mate, but try not to take on board his 'suffering'. He may actually be more content than you think.
Hope this doesn't come across too harsh.

 

[Bandwagon]

I only just noticed, and it may have been pointed out, so apologies if it has been, but the thread title...

Mental Heath?


#thisf**kswithmyocd.