NFT - Joke

[Hell Bitch]

3 married men talking about their wives.
First one says "my wifes dumb, she bought a whole trolley load of meat from woolies and we dont even own a fridge".

Second one says " well my wifes dumber, she bought a bloody sports car and doesnt even have a liscence!.

The third man WHO IS BLONDE says, " well neither can be as dumb as my missus, she,s heading off on a trip to some greek islands, and I saw her packing condoms and she doesnt even have a penis!!!.

 

[beef]

haha quality :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[~bedsy~]

3 married men talking about their wives.
First one says "my wifes dumb, she bought a whole trolley load of meat from woolies and we dont even own a fridge".

Second one says " well my wifes dumber, she bought a bloody sports car and doesnt even have a liscence!.

The third man WHO IS BLONDE says, " well neither can be as dumb as my missus, she,s heading off on a trip to some greek islands, and I saw her packing condoms and she doesnt even have a penis!!!.

I know a smiliar joke to that... it's about these mens daughters though.

 

[NC]

Hmm... this is where my blondeness shows... I don't fully understand it :lol:

How old are you NC?

I'm 17, why?

 

[Johns Magic]

Just curious

 

[NC]

Hmmm... fair enough.

 

[Andy]

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand...
In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One, carrying You and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

 

[NC]

I've seen that one before... posted somewhere, can't remember, but it's funny

 

[Big Tim]

I got this joke sent to me by my girlfriend. I thought it was great. Just wanted to share it.

A blind man enters a Bar. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a
drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, Hey, you
wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, sir, you should
know five things... 1 -- The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 -- The bouncer is a
blonde gal. 3 -- I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a
black belt in karate. 4 -- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
professional weightlifter. 5 --The lady to your right is a blonde and
is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah...Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[Sweeper]

www.rumorsontheinternets.com

 

[BUDERUS]

Three older ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench, and having a quiet conversation, when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

 

[BUDERUS]

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him,
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

 

[Johns Magic]

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him,
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

:lol:

 

[BUDERUS]

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports
car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's
license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse, in vain.
Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde police officer
tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde driver
searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough
sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands
the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would
have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have
avoided this whole thing."

 

[BUDERUS]

Blonde enters a store that sells curtains, she tells the salesman "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." He showed her several patterns, but the blonde seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she asked
for a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains she needed, the Blonde replies "fifteen inches".

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds
very small, what room are they for." The blonde tells him they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replied, "but miss, Computers do not have curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo...I've got Windows!"

 

[BUDERUS]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into
a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting
his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'Day Mate! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if
I speak to Him?"

Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?" (pointing at Kiwi)
Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good - he walks me twice a day, feeds me great
tucker and takes me to the lake once a week to play"

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either ....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Kiwi)
Horse : "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me
regular, brushes me down often and keeps me in a barn to
protect me from the elements."

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Kiwi: "The sheep's a bloody liar"

 

[beef]

hahaha tops :lol:

 

[beef]

Just heard this joke today - this is my version of it anyway.

Little Johnny is in kindergarten. His teacher announced at school that tomorrow was going to be pet day, where everyone gets to bring in their pet to show the class. The teacher asks Sally "What are you going to bring tomorrow, Sally?" Sally replies "My bunny rabbit." The teacher asks little Micky. "Micky, what are you goin to bring tomorrow?" He says "Im bringing my guinea pig" Finally the teacher asks little Johnny what he will bring tomorrow. Little Johnny says "A hedgehog" The teacher says "Dont be silly Johnny, there are no hedgehogs in Australia!" Little Johnny replies "Yes there is - last night mummy told daddy that if he did the washing up, she would give him a hedgehog!"

 

[Big Tim]

An American tourist is travelling around the world, on his travels he visits Wellington NZ. Whilst he is in customs he looks around and sees a man with a sheep over one shoulder and a goat over the other. Confused, the Seppo asks the Customs Officer next to him "Hey, whats the deal with that guy?"

The officer responds "Hey, leave him alone..... he's bisexual!"

 

[beef]

:lol: