Yeah, I'm a South Park fan....
Mr. Garrison: Very good, Kyle. Now, who can tell me what famous person wrote the Declaration of Independence? Let's see. Oh, I know. How about the new student, Timmy?
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Mr. Garrison: Nno, it wasn't you, Timmy.
--
Cartman: My mom told me to be a lesbian you have to lick carpet.
--
Kyle: People don't hate the Jews!
Cartman: Really? Three hundred million domestic box-office, Kyle. The top-grossing film of all time, Kyle. Those numbers don't lie. If you're not scared of
The Passion then go see it. Go see it and tell me I'm wrong. Mel Gibson, Kyle. Mel Gibson
--
Mr. Mackey:
[reading a note from the sex ed "question box"] "Mr. Mackey is gay."
[Kids start laughing.]
Mr. Mackey: Alright kids that's not funny, m'kay! This box is supposed to be about serious questions!
[reads another note] "Dear Mr. Mackey, you are gay."
[Kids start laughing again.]
Mr. Mackey: Alright that's enough, kids! Let's quiet down and try to be mature, m'kay! Now here we go.
[reads another note] "Mr. Mackey, sometimes my parents hit me and you are gay."
[Kids continue laughing.]
Mr. Mackey: Dammit is there not one serious question in here?!
[quietly going through notes] Mr. Mackey's gay
Mr. Mackey's gay
Okay here: "I am a boy at South Park Elementary. Sometimes when I'm sitting in class, my penis becomes hard for no reason. What should I do?"
--
Al Gore: I am here to educate you about the single biggest threat to our planet. You see, there is something out there which threatens our very existence and may be the end to the human race as we know it. I'm talking, of course, about Manbearpig. It is a creature which roams the Earth alone. It is half man, half bear, and half pig. Some people say that Manbearpig isn't real. Well , I'm here to tell you now, Manbearpig is very real, and he most certainly existsI'm serial. Manbearpig doesn't care who you are or what you've done. Manbearpig simply wants to get you. I'm super cereal. But have no fear, because I am here to save you. And someday, when the world is rid of Manbearpig, everyone will say, "Thank you Al Goreyou're super awesome!" The end.
--
[Bébé tries to pass a note to Kyle from across the room.]
Mr. Garrison: Stanley! Are you passing notes to Kyle?
Stan: No! I jus
Mr. Garrison: Don't lie! Lying makes you sterile.
Stan: I'm not lying! Someone just handed me
Mr. Garrison: Stanley, if you think it's so important to keep interrupting my class, then why don't you come up to the front and read your note to Kyle for everyone to hear.
Stan: But I didn't write the note!
Cartman: Mr. Garrison, Stan's behavior is having an adverse effect on my education.
Stan: Shut up, Cartman!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley, you come up here right now and read your note!
Stan: Aww, man
"Dear Kyle, you have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those pert cheeks let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity."
--
Cartman: Don't worry, Kyle's just got a little sand in his vagina.
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!!
--
Jimmy: Why did the... pigeon cross the road?
Cartman: Okay, why?
Jimmy: Because it was having sex with the chihi... Because it was having sex with the ch-hi-hi... Because it was having sex with the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch... eh, it was having sex with the ch-ch-hiicken.
--
Butters: Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid
--
[The hooded figure hisses into Bush's left ear.]
George Bush: We Republicans are deeply saddened by the recent events in Colorado!
Hooded Figure: Removing the feeding tube is murder! Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Removing the feeding tube is murder!
Hooded Figure: Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die? Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
Hooded Figure: It is God's will that he live! Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: It is God's will that he live! Haghaghaghagha
Hooded Figure: No no, you don't say that part, Haaghaghaghaghaghagha .
[hisses into Bush's right ear]
George Bush: No no, you don't say that part, Haghaghaghagha
--
Stan: Dad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!
Randy: What?
Stan: Tom Cruise locked himself in my closet and he won't come out.
Randy:
[knocks on closet door] Mr. Cruise? Mr. Cruise, come out of the closet.
Tom Cruise: No!
Randy: Come on, Mr. Cruise, this is ridiculous.
Tom Cruise: I'm never coming out!
Randy:
[to Stan] What did you say to him?
Stan: I just told him I thought the
Napoleon Dynamite guy is a better actor than he is.
Randy: Oh boy.
