1. LOL@50uff$ - seriously bra they've got John Sutton in the team, he won the best and fairest medal in 2009 for the club. Dunniesman told me they got this! And no I'm not talking about the charity shield, I'm talking Justin Beiber at the NRL Grand Final! Put your metho on it!
2. Chickadee Chooks - with the best coach in the competition who has demonstrated time and time again he's got genuine premiership winning credentials, I think the Chooks are going to be ruffling everyone elses feathers! Cockadoodlewoohoo!
3. Penruff - how fully sick is their halves combination? Travis Burns and Luke Walsh is the most potent halves combination in the NRL. Now they've let that useless old fart Petro go, they're gonna powwa up the ladder (over 9000 powwa).
4. NomorematteratParramatta - Chris Sandow is going to hone his shoulder charge skillz over the offseason and hit opposing teams harder than Paul Gallen come round 1. The only doubt I have about them is they released a number of first class NRL players at the end of last season. How are they going to cope without Carl Webb, Chris Hicks and Chris Walker come finals time next year? They may just have to pin their hopes on young prodigy Jordan Atkins.
5. Doggiez bra - When it comes time to defuse a bomb, fullbacks don't get much safer than Ben Barba. And the fact they have a ranga running some of the plays is just a billion different shades of awesomeness. As for that Steve Turner, what an absolute excitement machine. This guy is going to be the NRL's leading tryscorer for 2012. Absolutely travesty he wasn't selected in front of Akuila Uate for the Blues. Now I know why we lost our sixth series in a row. We didn't have Steve Turner out there!
6. Tits - with the recruitment of a couple of rock solid defensive centres and the awesome kicking and diving skillz of Scotty Prince, these guys are definitely going to feature come finals time. Fortress Skillz will become a feared place for visiting teams once again this year.
7. Raiduhs - They've got this real warm fuzzy family feeling down Canberra way (no I'm not talking about nepotism), and the mutual love and respect that players and fans alike have for David Furner will ensure they make the semis before Jarrod Choker misses the winning conversion against the Chickadee Chooks and people across the country start making choking gestures again. Also how reliable is that Blake Ferguson? Toss him a Kangaroo jumper!
8. Flatheads - Paul Gallen is going to partner Todd Carney in the halves (just because he can!) and with their astute recruitment of Mark "9ball" Taufua to replace the useless Luke Douglas, these guys are going to make a late charge towards the semis before they get dislodged by the LOL@50uff$ juggernaut.
9. Pussycats - Is it any wonder why they're trying to get Tim Moltzen back at the club? They made the wrong decision to retain Benji Marshall! Robbie Farah will spend the season either sooking about the refs or the fact he was overlooked for State of Origin again.
10. Worriers - Kevin Locke and Shaun Johnson will suffer severe second year syndrome and will enter the Daniel Mortimer Hall of Fame, never to return.
11. Womanly - Des Hasler will announce the week before round 1 he's leaving Manly to become the international ambassador for Pantene Hair Products. Brett Stewart will be too busy sulking all season about David Gallop not apologising to him that he will fail to recognise he's on a footy field and is meant to be helping his team play NRL!
12. Cowgirls - Matt Bowen will get injured in the first 5 minutes of round 1 and Jonathan Thurston will go into withdrawals because he has no one else to work off at the Cowboys. Unless they put Dallas Johnson at fullback, in which case they'll finish second.
13. Drongos - Gerard Beale will suffer from a season-long guilt trip because he was the reason Darren Lockyer was wiped out in the semi final last year. As a result he'll play like crap. Jack Reed will realise he's not like other rangas in the comp (see Dan Tolar) and will change his act. By playing crap. Peter Wallace, well he's just crap.
14. Light Rain - Cam Smith will retire during the offseason to pursue a lucrative career at All Trades Queensland. Billy Slater will slide in with the knees in the first game of the year and under the rules of the new Independent Commission he'll get suspended for the season. No plans Bellamy will continue with his grinding/wrestling/boring style of football despite the fact 2 of his big 3 are gone, and they'll get pulverised. Brown paper bags after the game won't help.
15. Dragqueens - no more Wayne Bennett. Plenty more choke.
16. Drugcastle - Wayne Bennett will lose his marbles during the offseason and will be put in a retirement home. Darius Boyd will throw a tanty about his daddy being gone and will return to Queensland to play for the Tits. LOL@50uff$ will belt Newcastle 60-0 and there will be LOL@Knoughts banners all over a packed out ANZ Stadium for the last round of the season.