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But Hampton the hampster was despondent, because despite having feasted on a prostrate, he was so desperately unhappy with his life that he often considered being in the same room as BF when he would regale the good folks of his stories about evolution - so he could stab his penis with a live barracuda just to feel something.
He'd felt this way ever since his girlfriend, Cliffhanger, had left him. Life had become a directionless, joyless clusterf**k of disappointment and premature ejaculation.